The Mommies' Diaries…Parenting, One Blog at a Time.

“I want to go home. I WANT to go HOOOOME”.

Are we having a fun vacation yet?  That is the soundtrack of most of our vacations as a family.  I think that I have actually had each kid crying this at the same time IN THE MIDDLE OF DISNEYLAND.  I remember wondering how they missed the memo that Disneyland is the happiest place on earth.

So summer has rolled around again and this week we made our annual trek to Park City, Utah.  This little town is nestled in the top of the Wasatch Range. It provides awesome skiing all winter and in the summer we get to take advantage of hiking, bike trails, swimming and even the occasional camping trip.   It has everything you might need to have a fun summer vacation–including wide open spaces and an absence of crowds that view YOUR child’s tantrum as a major detriment to THEIR time in the happiest place on earth.

Park City is also is where I grew up and is where my parents still live.   I look forward to this trip every year and each year we run into some of the same issues that make the trip less of a vacation and more of an exercise in endurance.  I decided to do more prep work this time to help make this trip successful for all of us.

In years past, being on vacation meant being on vacation. No schedule, no rules, no therapy, just fun and rest.    This didn’t work very well with my kids that really (and I mean REALLY) don’t do well with disruption.   The sudden switch to new surroundings, new people and no schedule caused more than a few meltdowns.  No one was really enjoying their “vacation” much.

This year I did a few things that have helped ease the transition.  We talked with the kids about what room they would stay in at Grandma’s house (and we try to have them stay in the same room each time). I brought a pillow case from each of their bedrooms–unwashed.  Weird, but their pillows looked and smelled like home.  We have been really careful to keep the basics of the schedule routine… get up, eat meals, and have some quiet time at the same time as we do at home.     We planned ahead of time what we were going to do and assigned each activity a day. We spend time talking about what we will do that day, what we are going to do the next day, etc. No surprises.  I also let the kids pick a play list to put on their iPod.   They started listening to it at bedtime at home, and then they got to listen to it at bedtime here too.  It is a bit more organized than I usually roll, but just bringing in a little bit of familiarity has made a big difference to all of us.

So far, so good.   We are on day 5 of our trip, and we had our first meltdown last night and it was pretty minor.  Usually by this time I am ready to go home.    We are having a lot of fun this trip and rolling with it.  Even the kids have remarked that this trip feels different.   Someday I might have the vacation that I dream of.  The one where I get to sleep in and no one melts down and they are all excited to do the same things that I am…..  I can dream right?

We are off to ride the Heber Creeper and have a picnic and float down the Provo river.  Happy 4th of July to all of you and hopefully you have a safe and fun holiday weekend.

Kindergarten is fast approaching.  I would be so excited if not for all the darn paperwork!  First, I had to make sure Ashley had all of her vaccinations, which was easy for us, but I need the paper to verify it.  Don’t give me any lines about, “You don’t actually need to have your kid vaccinated” crap.  If you chose not to vaccinate, that is your deal, but when your child gets whooping cough like I just had, don’t tell me that they are not necessary.  Touchy subject much?

After we finished the vaccinations, I dropped off that set of paperwork.  Then we had to go back to get LG’s TB test which gave us more paperwork to drop off!  This was quickly followed by the packet of paperwork that we just received from the school.  Emergency forms, how to sign up for the hot lunch company, uniform exchange paperwork, photo release form….on and on and on.  By the time I finish all this darn paperwork she will be in first grade!

Not only am I doing paperwork now, but to register her for kindergarten required another small army of paperwork.  A birth certificate, a copy of our mortgage or lease, a phone or PG&E bill, as well as a urine and blood sample.  OK, OK, we didn’t really have to give bodily fluids, but I was ready to have to donate these with everything else they asked for!

I am so glad I am nearly done although I bet that next year I have to go through all of this again.  NIGHTMARE!

Sorry I didn’t get a chance to post my blog up on Friday everyone. I have had a lot come up, but the good news is that I recently saw some spotting.

I thought it was my period because I actually had it for about 5 days but when I had contacted my doctor about it, he told me to continue to take the estradiols and the progesterones for another month. This is exciting news. Finally, there is something going on. It’s like a jump start and I feel that the car is starting to turn on.

When I told my mom and husband, we were all so very excited. I don’t want to jinx myself, but I am going to keep taking the pills and keep praying. You all don’t know how exciting this is and what I am going through. Imagine when I do get pregnant!

Well, now that we’re through the computer issues for the day!  Wow, sometimes technology can be time consuming rather than time saving, but that’s a story for another time.

I was determined to get my blog done today no matter what because I know there are literally thousands of you out there waiting to read it before going to bed, right?

I had a strange thing happen to me this week.  Sometimes when you go through a divorce, you lose special friends that you shared together as a couple and you realize not only will you have those special times together with each other’s families, but you may never actually see them again either.

This was the case with me when I went through my divorce nearly 16 years ago.  Our best friends, as it turned out, were our children’s Godparents as well.  And after the divorce was over, I lost them for what I thought was forever.

As it turns out, this was not the case as of this week.  It turns out my daughter did one of those people searches and because of a glitch, she was able to locate her Godmother and reconnect on Facebook.

I’m sure you’ve probably heard a lot of these Facebook reunited stories again and again, but it turns out this one is unique.  Because it is mine.

After talking back and forth on Facebook a few times here and there, kind of eaaaaasing back into conversation after so long, they told us they were driving from their home in Idaho to one of their parents house in Morgan Hill.  They wanted to stop in town and see us again.

Needless to say, I was thrilled.  Not only were my children going to reconnect with their Godparents (very important to me), but I had an opportunity to see them again.

This was important to me because when you go through a divorce, there is no handbook on how to ‘live‘ through it, just like there is no handbook on marriage or raising children.  I chose to isolate myself for several months while I went through mine, outside of spending as much time with my children as possible.  As I grieved for not seeing my children every day anymore, I also let go of the people who meant the most to me in my life.

Rob and Marie were two of those people. As time went by, we disappeared from each others lives and went our own ways.  Attempts to locate them twice after ten years had passed were feeble.  This says alot since I know a thing or two about computer forensics investigations.

When we got together this week, Rob asked me if I had been angry with him or if I thought he was angry with me.  I told him no on the first count and yest on the second.  He told me that he was never angry with me – that he never took sides and he tried to respect my choices on how I was going to deal with such a trying experience.  He said that he missed me and that seeing me again felt like we had only not seen each other for a week because we still ‘knew‘ each other.  He said that he had thought about me a lot and when he had done business with others, he felt he couldn’t trust other people, but he remembered how he felt he could trust me no matter what when we had done a business together.

He put his hand on my shoulder and said, “We made a mistake letting all that time go by, but we don’t have to make it again.”

At that moment, I knew why they were chosen as my children’s Godparents.  Because even when they weren’t there, they were there.  My children witnessed this reunion.  It was an important lesson for all of us, I think.  The lesson being that even when we suffer what we feel is the ultimate heart-wrenching, soul-crushing event in our life, we don’t need to let go of everything.

Rob gave me the space I needed at that time.  A space I choose not to go to again.  But he returned to fill that space.  And now, I’m a better parent for it.

I know things were a bit heavy for a few weeks there. I appreciate the comments that I got and the opportunity to chat with some mom’s who are new to this road of raising a child with special needs.  Its nice to have a place to be able to express the range of feelings that come with it.   As I sit here today, I am totally awash in awe and love for my little Gracie girl (even as she hits toddler-dom).  She makes my heart skip a beat.  She is so sweet and soft. She is the keystone in our family. She is adored by all of us.   It is rare that we even think about the fact that she is different than the other kids, she just is.  On that same vein, I wanted to lighten it up a bit this week and share a story that I think illustrates how being raised in a family where one member is “different”  can really influence how my other kids view what is “normal” in the world. 

In our family we have something called Family Party on Friday nights (an idea I got from my older sister).  It involves the kids getting to pick something fun to eat and having a floor picnic  in front of the TV.  We choose a movie for the whole family to watch.  One week the kids kept asking for that “mean Down Syndrome” movie.  Even on the best of days, expressive language is not something the little kids do well.  We are well used to this guessing game.  

 “The mean Down Syndrome movie?  Is it a movie with people or cartoons?”

” Cartoons–you know with the masks.”

“Does it have an animal in it?”

“NOOOOOOO” (frustration mounting)

“Can you remember anything else about it that will help mommy figure this out?”

 “Mooooooom, you know.  The mean Down Syndrome and the baby that is on fire…”  

Ding, Ding, Ding.  The Incredibles! I love the little short called Jack Jack attack (where he does indeed burst into flames).   Man, I am good at this game. The “mean Down Syndrome” thing stumped me for a minute.   Then we saw this character. 

My husband and I both had a good laugh about this one.  The character IS called Syndrome.  And he does kind of look like he has Down Syndrome (the big cheeks, the flattened facial features, the tiny nose, etc).    It just made me realize that for my kids, a super villain having down syndrome is perfectly normal and is even the first assumption.   A new perspective on the world.    I was reminded of this story by reading a post from a friend who said HER kids decided that Jack Jack in the same movie is Autistic (they have a brother with Aspergers).

Maybe they are.   Are there any more special needs superheroes that we have missed?

LG got her first set of golf clubs on the day she was born.  Yes, you read that right.  She comes from a long line of golfers and her Godfather is a golf pro.  The clubs arrived when she was a mere 14 hours old and she has been playing ever since.

Today LG starts golf camp.  This is a day she has been waiting for over the past 2 years.  When we joined our golf club, LG spent the summer watching the kids at golf camp and she wanted to go.  It was easy to explain that you had to be 6 to go to camp.  The kids were so much bigger than her and that was an acceptable answer to her.

Last year she was really bummed to see some of her buddies heading to camp while she still wasn’t allowed.  My husband and I spent much of the summer taking her to the course on our own, perfecting her skills watching her wack the ball here and there. I like to joke that golf will be her way to a scholarship in college, but she is actually good.

When sign-ups came around this year, my husband asked if we wanted to send her to camp.  We all did, but the registration form reminded us that she needed to be 6.  Ack!  Thankfully, our golf pro knows her and said that of course she could go.  I haven’t seen LG so thrilled in a long time.

For some reason this is BIG for me.  Sure, LG has gone to preschool for the last 3 years without me.  I drop her off every day and she rarely looks back as she runs into her classroom.  This is different for some reason.  I am sending her off with the big kids.  I am afraid they will treat her like a baby for being so young.  I am afraid that she will be much younger than most kids and won’t have a buddy.  Geez, I am a mess!

Truth be told, LG will be fine.  She could make friends with a wall.  She isn’t scared of the big kids and while they may find her to be an annoying “baby” she never seems to notice.  I love that she is a strong willed, confident girl.  I am proud of myself and my husband for the girl we have raised.  She is an amazing 5 year old.

Today, while LG walks off with the big kids I might shed a little tear, but then I will be off to find out information on college golf scholarships.  What????

Our house is a chaotic disaster right now.  We’re in the process of moving, one of my least favorite things in the world to do – though, surprisingly also one of my greatest talents.  Growing up, we moved a lot – and once I turned 18, I moved almost every year for about eight years.   My biggest fantasy about owning a home someday is not related to tax write-offs, but to actually being settled….a word that I have come to admire from afar.

This move feels different though.  It’s bittersweet in a way that I’ve not yet experienced.  Our current house has actually felt like home to me – which is a rarity when you hold a “Preferred Customer” card with U-Haul.  I’ve lived here for six whole years, and know my neighbors and their routines.  We look out for one another.  I have actually borrowed eggs from the lovely folks next door.  In this day and age, it’s hard to find people who are willing to make eye contact as they approach their front doors.  I am terrified of relocating to a cold neighborhood, and having to start all over again proving that we are good people.

I am also particularly attached to this home because our daughter was born here (well, not a home birth – but her first stop after the hospital!)  The pink and gray tiled bathroom that I used to hate will forever be a part of our family history as that’s where I stood holding a positive pregnancy test.  The large bedroom facing the busy cross-street soon became the most peaceful room in the house – DJ’s nursery.  I have stared at those four walls more times than I can count while rocking DJ to sleep these past 9 ½ months.   Will her new room feel as cozy?

The sweetest part of this move is the opportunity it will provide for my husband and I to start out somewhere fresh and new together.  When we got married, he moved in with me.  While we have worked hard to make this home a combination of both of our tastes, it still hold pieces of my past…..a past that I’m excited to finally leave behind.  We will be entering a new house, a place without any memories except for the ones that we get to create.  Ahhhh – a clean slate.

I once heard that moving ranks in the top ten most stressful experiences in life.  Though to me, after doing it so often, it doesn’t seem to be in the same category as losing a job, or a loved one.  I’ve learned that the most important things in life actually have nothing to do with “things.”  I’ve spent the past several days packing our life up into boxes.  However, the memories that we’ve made here as a family could never be bound up by cardboard and tape.

Home is indeed where the heart is, which means that we take it with us wherever we go.  Home is what we make of it, and we are blessed to have walls to laugh within, a foundation to spread our roots and a yard for imagination to grow.

I still cannot believe how a pill can prevent you from having your period for up to 2 years. I am on 9 months now and it’s getting pretty frustrating. I also find it very strange. After my whole ordeal and speaking with many of my friends that are ready to have children and have been on birth control, they, too, have gone off the pill. So far, one of my friends has had normal periods, but two of them have not. They are either spotty or haven’t even gotten their periods. This is just scary to me and I wish that the FDA would put a label on these birth control pills, so that people will know and not have to go through the stress that some of us are going through.

Update!! I am on the 16th day of my Estradiol, where I now have to take both Estradiol and Progesterone pills together. I noticed that I am more tired and more hungry. I feel like snacking all the time and my new obsession has been scoops of peanut butter dipped in chocolate jello pudding cups. This is so good, that I end up eating like 4-5 tablespoons of peanut butter. I know that peanut butter is good for you, but this might be going overboard. If my snack attacks are this bad, I am scared to see how it will be when I am prego!

I’ve also noticed that I’ve been having very strange mood swings. I’ve been crying more during movies, as if I haven’t already been in the past, but now, it’s ridiculous. My husband teases me about it, since I am crying about happy moments during a movie. On the flip side of this, I am also having what my husband calls  female “roid rage.” I am totally tooting my horn and my patience is zero! I find myself wanting to blow up off of stupid little things, like my puppy barking at noises outside and not hushing up. I’ve blown my cool twice, but I am trying to take a deep breath and relax. My doctor told me that this would happen, but I didn’t think it would be like this, geez!

I have discovered what many of you have always suspected.  There is a Backwards World.  It does exist!  Let me explain.

My daughter placed a phone call the other day.  This is what it sounded like:

“Is Michelle there?”

Moments later. “Hello Michelle…blah blah blah”

At that point, it became Charlie Brown speak.  Do you see what happened?

So, it does exist!

When she got off the phone, I politely asked, who answered the phone?  She told me Michelle’s mother.  When I asked her how come she didn’t say hello to Michelle’s mother, or ask if she was having a good day, or even why she didn’t say hello at all – she went straight to the question, my daughter’s response was this: “No biggie dad.  She doesn’t care.”

Hmmm.  Now, I know that’s not how I raised my children.  I taught them better etiquette than that.  And you’d think that since Michelle’s mother loves her to death, she’d at least give a couple of seconds to see how her day was going.

I knew at this moment, something was wrong…

Then, my other daughter was facing finals and I noticed that her weekend plans didn’t include any studying.  Immediately I thought something was suspect.  It wasn’t until a conversation she was having with her school friend tipped me off.  No, I wasn’t eavesdropping again.  What kind of person do you think I am?!  I was sitting at an outdoor table of a coffee shop where they were having an open mic night where my ears were alternatively being treated and mis-treated by people who have more courage than I do.  My daughter and her friend were sitting at the table with me sipping freddos.

When I asked them when they were going to study that weekend, I was informed that they already finished their homework in class and that studying would only make them forget what they already knew.

I was deeply puzzled at this point.  Who was I to argue with two high school girls that get 5 A’s and 1 B+ every semester in advanced courses?

Something just wasn’t right.  I began to try to over-analyze this event with the earlier event – the phone call.  I started to correlate the data in my head, when suddenly my cell phone rang.  It was my son.

“Dad, I’m going out tonight.”

“I thought Tracy said she had to work,” I said.

“She does.  I’m going to go hang out with Cody and play some guitar.”

Do you see it too?  Do you see what’s happening?  My son figured out something else to do without asking me for suggestions.  This is what I’m talking about!

Finally, I made the connection.  Everything that was happening was backwards.  I had woke up at the beginning of the weekend and somehow entered Backwards World.  It was crazzzzyyyyy!  I thought to myself – I’m going to put it to the test.  I’m going to do something exactly the opposite from what I always do and see if it works out!  I’ll start tomorrow!

I started to think of all kinds of things.  I’ll drive backwards to the store and see if anyone notices or cares.  I’ll call send the utility company an invoice and give them a 48 hour notice.  This could be fun!  Maybe even profitable!

So, I woke up the next day…

…and my oldest daughter reminded me that her, her fiance’, and my son were going to be leaving on Friday for the weekend to go to a friends wedding.  When I asked whose wedding, I was reminded with a huff, “Debbie’s!  The one who had the baby almost a year ago dad!”

At that moment, I dragged the invoice to the utility company to the recycle bin and emptied it.  I was back.

We are planning a family vacation in a few weeks and this is the first time that I haven’t worried about my kids being in the crowds and getting lost. At 14 my daughter is attached to her cell phone and after many trips to the mall with friends I’m sure she can navigate a theme park map and crowds. I’m know if she gets separated from us I will get a text faster than you can say Minnie Mouse! My son is 11 and although he doesn’t have a phone yet, he is also never far from me. He loves maps and I’m sure he will be leading the way through the land of Disney. Besides, we have prepared them well.

When our kids were little, every time we went somewhere I would ask my kids to remember what I, or whoever they were with, was wearing. I still ask this of my kids and any other kids who are with me especially on field trips. This way they could find me faster in a crowd and be less likely to get lost in the first place.

The other thing I asked my kids to do from a very young age is to talk to strangers.

Yes, you read that right, strangers. When we were at the mall having lunch or at a store I would ask them to look around and tell me who they would go to if they got lost or were in trouble. We would talk about the people we saw, who worked there and who didn’t, who made them feel safe and who didn’t. Then I would ask them to walk up to the person they picked and ask them what time it was. They would always be within my sight and ear shot. This lesson taught them to talk to strangers.

After all, if your kid is lost, the first thing they will need to do is ask for help from a stranger, and the sooner the better. We also have our kids order their own lunch at a restaurant. This is great practice in asking a stranger for something they need. Now that our daughter is going to high school this skill is mandatory for her to be able to get around and be confident talking with teachers and staff.

We have some basic rules in our family if you get lost. Stay put. Only move if it is the only way to get help. Ask help from a mom with kids whenever possible. Most moms will go to the ends of the earth to help you find your parent and God knows they don’t want another kid to manage so they probably wont kidnap you. Never leave the store, go in the back of the store etc. even with a security guard. So far this has worked for us. My kids have never gotten to the point of not finding me on their own usually because they remembered what I was wearing.

When we went on vacation one year, I bought my kids engraved dog tags that had our cell phone numbers on them. I bought them at the pet store out of a vending machine and put them on a chain. We used those for many years when they were too young to remember our numbers. I will even have my son wear one this vacation because even though he knows our numbers by heart, he may not remember them if he is in a panic.

The one thing we are sure to do the first day in the park is to set up a meeting point, not just in one place, but in every section of the park. That way we won’t have too far to go to find each other. A big landmark will be the best choice something we can see easily.

It has been fun watching our kids grow into confident people. I watch even my ultra clingy son wander happily to the electronic section of the store while I get something nearby and he calmly looks for me when he is done. Both of our kids are comfortable talking to people in stores and have learned to “trust their gut” about people. It’s a constant learning situation as they get older and go more places on their own but they are off to a good start.