The Mommies' Diaries…Parenting, One Blog at a Time.

I think our Christmas can be summed up in one photo.

We put up our tree the Saturday after Thanksgiving.   Pandora‘s Christmas station was our near constant soundtrack for 25 straight days.  Stockings were hung, cookies were baked, gifts were bought, endless cups of hot cocoa were consumed, we ate all 200 mini candy canes I bought on December 1st, a gingerbread house was iced, mistletoe was hung, cinnamon scented candles filled the house, cards were addressed and sent to friends and family near and far, cozy fires were enjoyed and a little Elf on a Shelf kept a close eye on it all.

We squeezed as much merriment, joy  and holiday magic out of the month of December as we possibly could.  And now I am ready to move on.

It’s time to de-Christmas the house.

Every year I look forward to setting out the nativity scene, hanging twinkling lights and waking up to the smell of fresh cut pine.  And every year on December 26th, all the garlands and frosty snowmen annoy me.  It’s not nearly as fun to take it all down as it is to put it all up.

But it must be done.  One of the best tips I ever got was to write up a list of things you need to stock up on and tape it to the outside of one of the bins.  I like to write a little note to the future me who will be eagerly opening those bins on the Saturday after Thanksgiving 2011.

Hello Kirsten, You look great!  Have you lost weight??  Hope you had fun picking out a tree this year.  Here are a few things you need:

1. One or two more strands of white lights, you finally threw out the one that was blinking so no one would have a seizure.

2. More ornament hooks.  You’ve used up all 100 of the pack you bought five years ago but keep thinking you have plenty.  You are down to using paper clips on all the glass bulbs.

3. Paper clips

4. Wood glue.  You still have yet to glue the little box of frankincense back in the hands of the second wiseman.

5. A sense of humor, a kind memory and some perspective when you open this box.  After weeks of festivities, 54 trips to the attic with all these bins and glitter and pine needles in your shoes, you had precious little patience left to roll the light strands properly or gently pack the breakables.

Pour yourself an eggnog, put on some Bing Crosby and enjoy.  You will understand this un-merry tone when the most wonderful time of the year ends all too quickly.  Merry Christmas!

Love, Me

So again, I didn’t get my period. I swear, I was totally normal before my wedding. I wish I never went back on the pill. I had to because I had zits and I didn’t want to look acne’d out on my wedding! I was hoping things would go back to normal but of course, it didn’t. My doctor says that my brain won’t tell my eggs to ovulate…I don’t get it..why did it work fine before? It’s just so weird to me. I know that I did mess up, when I missed a few times and it wasn’t just one day, it was 2 days, so instead of just throwing away the pack, stupid me, I would triple up. Not only that, you’re supposed to take the pill at the SAME TIME EVERY DAY…I didn’t do that. I am guilty of taking it whenever. I know that is huge because hormones are being dumped in and your body has to break it down and works its way to control the eggs. Here I am, taking it in p.m. one day then the next day, taking it in the a.m., that’s like doubling up.

I got my last blood test done and now we just have to watch the video this week. Hopefully I can get an appointment to see the doctor soon because of the holidays. I want to get on Clomid as soon as possible. I am determined to have a baby by next year, but again, I need to not stress over it and let it happen. My mom and dad think that I shouldn’t take this clomid pill. They feel that natural is best and that I should stay strong in faith because God will bless us when it should be..but what if that is never? I don’t know…I’m going to just do it.

“In clinical studies, about 30 percent of women became pregnant after taking Clomid. Success rates will depend on a number of factors, including the cause of infertility, the fertility of your partner, whether sexual intercourse is timed appropriately, and chance.” (http://pregnancy.emedtv.com/clomid/clomid-success-rates.html)

Did I just see in the last sentence “chance?” I can’t take “chance.” I need “GUARANTEE.”

Christmas traditions. I’ve really been trying to slow down this year and enjoy some lovely holiday moments with my kids. We’ve done crafts, they helped me write out my cards, we’ve baked, they practically decorated the tree themselves, and we’ve had endless cups of peppermint hot cocoa.

But there is one tradition I really could do without, and that is the trip to visit Santa. I never liked it when I was a kid either. I always felt awkward sitting on his lap, pretending he was the real Santa and telling him what I wanted for Christmas. Blech.

But then I became a mom and I dressed my little twin babies up in their fancy dresses and took them to the mall to get a picture with Santa. I only wish I could find that photo somewhere. As the kids got older they started to dread the visit to Santa as much as I did. This is one of my favorites.

Raj would not even turn around to look at the camera and the girls would only go near the guy if I was in between. After this there were a couple of years where Raj would not go within five feet of Jolly Old St. Nick.

Santa came to his preschool and this was the best I could get.

Note my daughters fine fashion sense. Her idea of picking out an outfit in the morning consists of grabbing the most comfortable shirt and pants she can find in her closet. Two sets of different colored stripes? No problem! Comfort is key. And is it me or does Santa look a little bored? pissed off? annoyed? My other daughter refused to take off her jacket.

Did you notice my son’s shirt?? Same as last year. Awesome. If I am going to repeat clothing year to year, I could at least do it with a little class no?

Today I had planned on writing about how we are going to the Nutcracker today.  I was even going to throw in the fact that this week out of school (and off schedule–a major  stressor for two of our kids) has been awesome.  A much needed break and bonding time for our family. I know, I am as surprised as you are. 

Instead I am going to talk again about tender mercies.  Our family goal this year was to be aware of the tender mercies in our life.   I am pretty sure they existed all along, but taking the time to notice them has made all the difference.  A tender mercy is something that is a small gem of goodness, someone throwing you a bone, or even just a tiny glimmer in the of a big pile of yuck.  It is not so drastic as being Pollyanna all the time, but it is noticing the little bits of good that do exist, even if you are cursing the hard stuff at the same time.   �
Here is my tender mercy of the day.  Much of my day is spent trying to keep our schedule rolling along and to turn our home into a learning lab.  It is routine by now, but lots of emotional energy and time goes into making sure that when we are floating through the day, we are teaching the things that need to be taught.  Getting dressed isn’t just getting dressed, it is practicing self help skills and working to make sure that Cubby can practice following two part instructions, and Ace can pull up her own pants, etc. Today I had the chance to feed breakfast to Tiny while the rest of the kids were off doing something else.  The conversation we had will keep me going for days.
“Did you have a good sleep, Mom?”

“Yes I did, did you?”

“Did you have good dreams, Mom?”

“I think so, did you?”

“Yes, I dreamed of lots of pretty princesses and dancing.  I was a dancing princess with lots of pretty shoes and you loved me”.

She went on to chatter about how excited she is to go to the ballet today and wondered if she would be allowed to dance on her seat (sure, why not?) and if she could have popcorn on the way home (again, why not?) and on and on.  I realized that in the course of managing the day I forget to just let things be what they are.  That doesn’t work with all the kids, but I needed to remind myself that not all my kids are the same (how many times will I have to re-teach myself that lesson?).  This middle child of mine, who is tiny and secure and happy to exist in her space in the middle reminded me that I need to take the time to just TALK to her.  I’m not always sure if my kids know that I love them in the way that they need to know it, and not just in the way that I choose to express it. I thought my heart would burst today knowing that in her golden dream she knew that (along with having some awesome shoes). It shouldn’t be the case that this kind of conversation is rare for me.  I need to step back from the business of being “THE MOM” and just be her mom.   

I sure love my kids.  I even love them when they are hard, but I especially love them when they remind me why I decided to do this mom thing in the first place.  Happy holidays to you and I wish you a new year FULL of tender mercies.

Did you hear what happened to Geoffrey the Giraffe, the Toys R’ Us Mascot?  Yeah, he checked himself into a psych ward a few years back.  OK, so maybe I made that part up – but I sure wouldn’t blame him.   Toys R’ Us is just another name for DMV in my book.  Mad chaos.

So far, our Christmas isn’t mirroring the vision I had for it.  As you know, December has brought some good viruses to our household.  In fact, just yesterday, my husband was diagnosed with pneumonia.  Luckily, the doctors caught it at the very early stage, so with a five-day supply of mega-antibiotics, he should be fine.  I keep telling him that there were other, more reasonable ways, to get out of our annual cookie-baking extravaganza.  Anyhow, this is why I ended up at Toys R’ Us without him yesterday.

We were doing the math yesterday morning, realizing that we had less than a week until Christmas.  All of the toys that we wanted to get for DJ would require assembly, so we knew we had to get crackin.  With the little Christmas Angel in tow, I headed to the giant toy store.  I was immediately enveloped by the warm, musty scent of children and the sounds of them not getting what they wanted, when they wanted.  It was a pleasant welcoming.

I have never understood why they make the aisles so small, the toy displays so large, and the bottom of the shopping cart without cross bars?  I mean, even Safeway knows that folks need a place to store their flats of water so as to leave room for the milk and eggs.  Whatever.  So there I was, trying to load three ginormous boxes into one tiny cart – no help to be found, just angry mobs of equally distressed parents.

We made our way through the migraine-inducing maze, over to the check out stand.  I was greeted by a talking can of paint.  Well, not exactly, but the checker’s personality was so lacking that she could very well have been anything but human.  We stood there for some awkward moments as she stared at me, and I stared at her.  I finally asked, “Is there a problem?”  “I need the bar code.”  “OK, is that something that I need to get for you?”  “No.”  And there we stood again.  I piped in again, “OK, so do you need to call someone?”  “No, I just need that box lifted up here.”  Wonderful, now we were on to something seeing as I was capable of lifting.  BINGO!  All scanned in, ready to pay and even under budget!

Thank goodness for the Shopping Cart Fetcher in the parking lot.  He was by far the most helpful person on the premises.  He offered to help me unload the nonfunctional cart, and even jammed a mammoth box into the upholstery of my backseat.  He was, actually, very well intentioned, and I was, actually, grateful for his background in Costco’s art of bulk loading.  Wait, have I mentioned yet that it was pouring rain?

We made it back home, and successfully transferred the boxes to Santa’s workshop, aka – the garage.  DJ was exhausted, and I didn’t even curse my husband for having pneumonia.  However, you can imagine my reaction when DJ was more excited over the wrapping paper and box for the one gift we allowed her to open early (a Cabbage Patch Kid that I had ordered on eBay and couldn’t wait to arrive!).  I was immediately reminded of a conversation that I had recently had with a friend, where I arrogantly said that “this would be our cheapest Christmas ever” – knowing that DJ would be more interested in the wrapping than the contents.  Why had I forgotten that I said that?  I knew that.  My expectations shouldn’t have changed.

Perhaps DJ, at her young age, has a few things to teach us.  I mean, it’s really not about the gifts after all, anyway.  She would be perfectly happy playing with an old rattle so long as it meant she had our undivided attention.  So, I am attempting to adjust my attitude and forgive my trespasser,  Toys R’ Us.  It’s not about the crowds desperate to fulfill the expectations and visions of gifts under the tree, but about our ability to stop everything and just be together – really together.

Five days until Christmas.  Let’s get it together, people.  Fa la la la la la la la la la.

I am totally open for adoption because there are so many children out there that need good homes and parents, but my husband’s family is very “traditional.” Being that he is the man of the family, he needs to pass on the name.  It’s still something that I’d like to do, is to have my own baby from my own blood, my own genes, and even go through that crazy process of giving birth.

I am scared..I mean the changes that your body will go through, but at the same time, it’s got to be an amazing experience.  To know that something you created is growing inside of you.  The joy of seeing your baby through your first ultra sound.  To hear and feel your baby’s first heartbeat.  To feel that first kick.  That has got to be truly amazing and all worth it, to have your own baby and to start your family.  I do get nervous though..how does everything down there really get back to normal?  Will it ever?  Will sex feel the same again?  I’m sure that it will but all these things that go through my head…

It’s crazy to hear that in China, you can only have one child.  Most of the time, they want boys, of course, to pass on the name.  If they have a girl, many times, they abort if its early or they give it up for adoption.  This really breaks my heart.  I mean why?  Pretty soon, there’s going to be too many boys and how will they find another girl to “pass on the name” if there aren’t enough girls?  I hear this is actually happening in South Korea.  They don’t have the one child only law but they are short of girls.  Many of the boys are marrying women of other races.  Now South Korea is already a small country, could they soon lose their race in 10 years?  Who knows..maybe they will come out with something crazy, like in vitro…

Speaking of in vitro, I just read that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are having twins? I know that this can’t be “natural.” I mean, too many celebrities just lucked out with twins?  Two words, In Vitro!  I don’t know if I am against this or for this.  In Vitro would be something for someone like me, who is desperate to have children.  Many celebrities have the money to be God and just spend $10k here and there because they “want” twins.  I mean, I won’t lie, I want twins, too, and who knows, if I had the money, would I do it?  I probably would, but still, I am not sure if this is morally correct for this purpose.  I am not going to open a can of worms and will close it while I still can.

Isn’t December a funny month? There is all the anticipation of the holidays coming up and the struggle to make the reality match the expectation.   Our schedule starts to fill up with parties (school parties, preschool parties, work parties, church parties….). The stores and parking lots start to see more action and usually most people have their BEST company manners when faced with the stress of waiting in line or lost parking spots.

Have no doubt that we are full of the Christmas spirit at our house.  Be aware that it manifests itself in the form of achy heads, hacking coughs and rivers of snot.  The first indication that the holidays are here is when we all get sick.  Call me a sucker for tradition but that is when we know the real fun will begin.  Every single child has been sick for a few weeks and we have officially hit our limit of how much cold medicine we are allowed to buy at Target.  Besides the yucks, we do have a few other traditions that we like to do each year.  Some are specific to this area, but most are things that anyone can do.

–Every year we go the beach on Christmas Eve Day and have a hot dog / hot chocolate feast.  We write the year in the sand and take a picture with each child and the year.  It is one of those things that started by accident and is the most treasured event each year.

–Ice skating.  Anyone over the age of 5 is invited to this one.  We take the train to Union Square and try to make it a whole hour before we give up.  There is something really cool about skating outside in the middle of the bustle of the city (note, make a reservation a few days ahead of time. You can thank me later).  We often end up eating at the top of the Macy’s across the street, or find a hole in the wall in North Beach.

–Nutcracker.  Many families do this, but we don’t go to just any old Nutcracker, we get tickets to the “Dance Along” Nutcracker.  Everyone comes in costume (there is a theme each year, last year was cowboy’s, this year it is Anchor’s Away) and everyone dances.  There is an MC type of person who keeps things moving.  Kids are dancing on their chairs and in the aisles and everyone has a good time.   It is a MUST see if you are in the SF area

–Matching PJ’s.   Along with the rest of the world, enough said.

–Grandma Jane gives our family a Christmas or Winter themed picture book each year.  We wrap the books with leftover wrapping paper before we pack them away for the next year and it makes for a fun surprise the following year.  The kids get to take turns opening them.  We have quite a fun collection by now and they are a big part of the Christmas memories my kids have already.

–Singing.  I know, I know, it sounds so cheesy (just ask my husband) but every night before bed we sing Christmas songs.  We turn off all the lights except for the tree and each person chooses a song.  Most kids love to sing and they all love to dance to the singing.  My tween is just starting to think that she is too cool for this, but even she eventually gives in. I am the farthest thing from the kind of person who sings with her family, so trust me, just start doing it and you might be surprised at how fun it is.    I will still make them do this when they are 30.

What are your holiday traditions? We celebrate Christmas in our house, but almost everyone has some sort of tradition around this time of year (even if it is the tradition of doing nothing).  What are the little things you do (or eat) to make it seem like December?  What is your favorite music? How do mark the end of the year?

As you know, it was my birthday last Wednesday.  I was well celebrated by those who love me most – phone calls from dear friends, a complimentary and in-home hair cut, dinner at dad’s house, fancy lunch with mom, and an after-hour Sprinkles cupcake with my husband.  Well, those were the upsides.

I hesitate to mention the birthday poop that DJ left for me in the bathtub – the poop that got caked into our nonslip bath mat – or, a few nights later when she handed me a live spider half the size of her palm.  Although, those little morsels of toddler goodness paled in comparison to the plans we had to cancel with friends due to the nasty cold-bug that invaded our household and left us all quite snotty.

I had been so looking forward to having some quality time with friends.  I was starting to overcome my social anxiety (and let’s face it, depression) – and not only was I ready for some adult interaction, but I was craving it.  Our weekend calendar was actually FULL – and I was giddy with feelings of long lost popularity.   But, just as life sometimes does, our plans were turned upside down when we (DJ and I) got sick.

My sinuses were so congested that my front teeth ached.  By the time Saturday morning rolled around, and DJ’s “play with me” whines began, I could barely peel myself out of bed.  I don’t mean to be dramatic here, but I was feeling worse than I had in a long time, and I just couldn’t imagine how I was going to be a mom that day.  Just as I was contemplating how I was going to lift my heavy head off the pillow, my husband scooped DJ up, closed our bedroom door and let me sleep.  It was a true gift from heaven.

As the morning went on, he cooked DJ breakfast, took her to her gym class, and kept her with him while he ran errands.  He even picked up lunch for all of us. By the time they returned home, my nasal spray had kicked in, and I had even showered.  I was feeling human enough to realize just what was happening – my husband, my partner, had totally partnered with me to help me handle life.  The true essence of the marriage that we committed to.

Unfortunately, my routine with DJ is so ingrained in my every thought and move, that I often forget that others (especially her daddy) can do just as good of a job with her as I can.  In fact, I think DJ’s daddy would love for me to get out of the way now and then and just let him parent, too!  The two giggled a ton, and had some really great moments together.  They even seemed more bonded by the end of the weekend from all of their time together while I laid around feeling sorry for myself.

So, while I was lamenting over lost time with friends – God was teaching me a far better lesson, one I actually needed more than anything.  I learned that my husband is so valuable, so capable, and so in love with our daughter.  It’s his desire to take care of us, and I need to allow him that space so that he can really shine.

So we thought that my period would come normally this time but it didn’t. Had to get back on progesterones but this time, it only took me 1 day to get my period, as opposed to 7 days. I think that’s a good sign. Now I just have to wait for day 21, 22 or 23 to get my blood test. Hopefully after this, I can get on clomid. It’s not guaranteed but it will help my eggs move. So strange that my eggs were moving and fine but just after turning 30 and getting on the pill again. I had to get on before my wedding because I was off of it for a year and broke out bad.

If clomid doesn’t work, next steps would be artificial insemination implantation, then if this doesn’t work, we would have to revert to in vitro, which is very costly. This would cost us $10,000 each time!   I just hope that it doesn’t get to this level because it is very expensive.  It’s so funny how celebrities these days have so much money that they just go through in vitro like it’s nothing to have twins.

I really have to thank this infertility program.  Sometimes I have mixed feelings about this, like is this playing God? I mean if it was many years ago, same situation, I wouldn’t be able to have kids.  Such a depressing feeling, but in light of it all, God has a plan for me and I believe in what is destined for me.  I mean I am not too sad about the whole ordeal because I am still young.  Some folks start having kids at 35 and up and I am only 30.  I think it would be a different story if I was a super career wife and traveling.  Right now, I do work, and I do work hard, but I work from home, and it’s about 5-6 hours a day, rather than your typical 8-9 hours, plus travel.   Just given my current situation and the pressures from our family, it would just be perfect to have one now.  Plus, I don’t want to be too old.  If we want 3 kids, we have to start soon.

Some of my friends started out young and although it was hard for them before, they got it made now.  Their kids are in elementary school and are pretty established and can take care of their own.  They can go shopping together, do fun activities together, and just hang out.  My friends can now do what they want and pretty much when they want, like having fun, working out, career, and not have to worry since they are still young and energetic. I guess we all have different paths and I am respecting my path.  Thank God for Infertility Program!

We’ve all done it. I know I can’t be alone. You do something just once, like after asking your kids ten million times to get their f#*^ing shoes and jackets on and get in the car, you finally resort to bribing and offer a lollipop to anyone who is ready to go out the door. Then the next day you do it again. And quite possibly you do it the next day as well because it works. But then you realize it’s turned into a routine and now your kids expect a lollipop every flipping day just for putting their f*#%ing shoes and jackets on and standing by the door.

Then you wonder why you started this little routine and tell them there will be no more lollipops in the morning. You then must find a better way to light a fire under them. You suffer through a few days of begging and threats. Eventually, maybe, just maybe you resort to Skittles… and we all know what happens the next day, and the next.

I recently read this post by AnyMommy and it made me think about these little habits we start for no good reason, like the waffles she mentions here:

“We made it through cereal only because Matt went down and got everything ready while I cracked the whip over getting dressed. I popped waffles in the toaster (because for some reason we have this pattern that they eat waffles after they eat a full bowl of cereal in the morning).”

I could relate. While Stacey’s kids eat cereal and waffles for breakfast, my kids have the option of whatever they want. I am their b$#^@ in the morning and they know it. I just can’t sending them to school with an empty stomach, it bothers me all day long. Therefore I end up making three different breakfasts and sometimes four for three different children. Why? I am the adult here. Why can’t I just tell them waffles are for breakfast and if you don’t like it you go to school hungry. I do that with the other two meals of the day. Why do you torture myself at breakfast when there are lunches to pack, there is hair to be combed, teeth to be brushed and jackets to be found and OH MY GOSH WE ARE LATE, PLEASE PUT YOU F@^$ING SHOES ON AND GET IN THE CAR!!!

And then there is this little habit. I’m sure you’ve heard of the Elf on the Shelf. It’s a sweet, fun little tradition that I think I wrote about last year. In a nutshell, the little elf hides in a different part of the house each day leading up to Christmas and watches you during the day. At night he flies to the North Pole and reports to Santa if you have been good or bad and tells him your Christmas wishes. The kids love it. Our elf is named Jack and this is his fourth year with our family.

Jack the Elf

For some reason, the first year he was here my kids thought he also put the candy in the advent calendar. I went with it. There were only a few more days until Christmas and so in addition to leaving a small candy cane in the advent calendar, Jack also left a small present like a new pencil, some stickers, an ornament, a stuffed animal or new pajamas.

So, of course, the next year they couldn’t wait to see what Jack would bring them along with the candy in the advent calendar. So I stocked up on pencils, stickers, ornaments and other little trinkets for 24 days worth of gifts from Jack. In other words, I stocked up on a house full of things that I will step on and will end up finding in the couch cushions next Easter. It creates a lot of extra work for me during an already busy time of year, but I think it might be my children’s favorite part of Christmas.

So please, tell me one of your puzzling habits. Tell me something you do that doesn’t really make any sense, but you do it anyway because it’s part of your routine. I know you’ve got at least one.