The Mommies' Diaries…Parenting, One Blog at a Time.

So, here’s the deal. I’m just an ordinary person.

I’ve never excelled in sports. I don’t have an ounce of musical talent, and aside from my family – there’s nothing that I’m crazy passionate about.  I mean, I love writing, and I love cooking – but I certainly wouldn’t die for either of those hobbies.

I didn’t go to college, so I can’t even claim a degree separates me from anyone else.  I don’t speak any other languages. I definitely can’t dance. I have an unfounded fear of flying, so there goes feeding babies in Uganda or fostering Manatees in the Amazon.

Before becoming a stay-at-home mom, I worked at some pretty incredible companies.  From time to time, I’d get recognized by my managers, or even my manager’s manager, for stellar contributions or exemplifying company values – but that’s about as close to “extraordinary” as I’ve ever come.

By society’s contemporary definition, my life has been pretty unremarkable.

And then I had two kids.  Becoming even more ordinary with each.  I just ran out of time to save the world.  Heck, I ran out of time to shower regularly, to keep my roots colored, or to renew my contact lens prescription.

I can’t sew.  I never taught my babies sign language. We start off every morning with cartoons. Our attempt at growing our own vegetable garden failed (because I ran out of time to water). And even though every study directs me to say, “Please pet the doggie on her head, like this,” I still shout, “Don’t pull her tail!”

I’m just an ordinary person.

Sometimes, I let the world tell me that this is not enough. That ordinary isn’t enough.  That I’m not enough. I spin my wheels trying to figure out what, if anything, will make me stand out from the crowd.  Admittedly, there are moments when I blog about my latest quinoa recipe and I fantasize about becoming the recipe-blogging-mom.  I get caught up in wanting to be the best at something, sometimes – anything.  Or, maybe I get caught up in thinking that I should strive to be the best at something.

I recently read an article from the NY Times.  It is all about “redefining success and celebrating the ordinary.”  It’s about living a full and interesting, but ordinary, life – and being unapologetic for that. The article begs the question, “What about being compassionate or living a life of integrity?”  How does that measure against what we’ve come to know as success?

By the standards described above, “ordinary” becomes transformational for me. Less of a curse word. It’s actually about embracing all that I am – the often unkempt, glasses-wearing, zip-up hoodie and yoga pant clad mom. The one who’s super content with her average life.  Alas, it’s not about all of the things that I am not.

Now that I have children, the definition of success includes things like making it through a grocery store without any tantrums, or getting my three year old to eat anything besides yogurt.  Success becomes less and less about impressing anyone else, and more about living a life of contentment.  (Content doesn’t mean lazy, or uninspired, by the way).

At the end of the day, all I really want is a harmonious home. I want to know that my children are happy and fed and bathed.  I want to know that my husband loves me.  I want to know that my friends appreciate me.  I want to know that my advice is valued, my wisdom respected, and my trust earned.  It’s simple, really.

While my job is to recognize the potential of my children, and to do whatever I can to stimulate their growth in the areas where they excel – my job is not to make them the best at those things.  My job isn’t even to expect the best.  My job is to enjoy watching my children grow in a direction that fulfills them and builds their confidence. It’s not up to me to get my children into college – its up to me to ensure they have the tools to find their own way there.

My job, my purpose, is to exemplify what’s important in life. And to me, success measured by achievement is meaningless if getting there wasn’t driven by passion and an authentic desire. To me, living extraordinarily means loving indiscriminately. It means treating people, and the earth, with respect. It means telling the truth compassionately, and with conviction.  It means walking the talk, wearing your heart on your sleeve, and being an open book.  It means unabashedly sharing who you are.  It’s such a shame that the world around us would consider such things as “ordinary.”  In this day and age, the scarcity of such values makes them anything but ordinary.

So, I’m ordinary? Yep. I’m totally cool with that. As the article so eloquently says, “Climb the mountain not to plant your flag, but to embrace the challenge, enjoy the air and behold the view. Climb it so you can see the world, not so the world can see you.” Someday, the world will see me, though. They will see me through the strength, confidence and compassion of my girls.  They will see me through the impact that my girls will have on this world – for the how they will contribute to extraordinary causes in ordinary ways.

Can you get “adoption cravings” like you get “pregnancy cravings”? Many years ago, a large slice of chocolate cake passed by me at dessert and it did not look tasty at all.  Yep, I knew it! I was pregnant.  The only thing that sounded good was vegetables (what?!) and loads of bread to keep the pukies back. The next time I was pregnant, same thing: three months of only wanting healthy stuff, followed by 6 months of an appetite as big as the moon.  So, I am once again craving healthy stuff, but this time it has taken some hard work, re-training and major self control. … So far, this ” adoption pregnancy” has been over a year and since I don’t know when baby will come, I figured I can’t go by the old plan of 9 months to put on weight, 9 months to take it off… (which was not so much the reality for me anyhow).

Basically, while we wait, I am going to make some overdue health changes! I have a little more time and I am ready to focus on making some changes.  I have been believing things that just aren’t true.  I need to “weed” out some lies, replace them with truth and be strong enough to make some changes that will benefit both me and my family long term. While we were waiting to watch the new Batman movie (yes, it’s great!) I saw an ad for coke (my favorite!)

“Open Happiness”…well, it’s a lie.  And I’ve believed it for a long time.  I have bought into the do what makes you happy in the moment because parenting is about survival in the first years.  The thing is that my kids are older now, and not having everyday tantrums and there truly is not any “need” for me to dive into the candy jar or cookie dough or super-sized coke to find happiness at the end of a trying day.  Now, it’s just a bad habit.  I have been starting my day with soda (I say because it makes me sweeter, but not really) and, my kids have been noticing. Hmmm.  I think it is time for me to find better ways of coping and new things that make me happy.  So, I’m learning to love (even crave?) some healthier foods.

So, this week I’ve cut all soda!  I have cut out desserts!  And, I’m working towards cutting bread/ white flour out too (Gina, you’ve inspired me But, it isn’t easy.  I think that training is never easy.  I think, similarly, parenting is never easy. But, it is a combination of our daily choices that all have consequences, both good and bad.

I want to make choices that will be beneficial and this is a habit that needed to be broken before another child joins us.  I don’t want him/her to think the answer to problems is just to open a bag of cookies.  (Wow, how often does my kid fall down and I literally say, “A lollipop will make it all better.”) I want to display self control in my own life so that when I ask my children to have self control they will have actually seen it modeled.  I want them to know there are more positive ways to deal with stress, because Future Child might have some stuff to deal with.

Note, this is not me preaching at anyone.  I think we (especially women) ought to do a better job first at accepting/ loving ourselves, but also be willing to make some hard changes when necessary.  It is simply my personal journey of whats going on during this ever-growing season of waiting and how we are preparing our home, hearts and minds for whatever lies ahead.

How do you make changes in your life that are necessary? How do you change your cravings?