Posted by MissyHall | Posted in Adopting Mommy | Posted on 30-05-2012
Tags: adoption, feelings, Missy Hall, waiting
If you have ever spent some time with a “shrink”, therapist, or counselor, he/she might ask you:
How do you feel about that?
Perhaps followed by another great question:
Why do you think you feel that way?
So here is my list of the myriad of things I have been feeling over the course of the last year. If you have walked this path, I’m sure you could attest to the mixture of highs and lows on the roller coaster.
Excitement -last May we started meeting with friends to get advice, listening to webinars, making appointments with different agencies and taking our first steps toward adoption. What I had waited 15 years for was in the works!
Uncertainty - All the what-ifs start to sneak in and we started having some serious discussions about moving forward. There was a defining car conversation about my husband making my dream become his dream. And our hearts grew together.
Confidence - We found a great agency, this was really going to happen (at some point in the future.) Every event we have passed since then I have imagined it will be our last as a family of “just” four. Our last Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas until another child joins us. (But, who knows, because now we are coming around full circle- a year has officially passed.)
Determination - Give me a pile of paperwork and let me at it. The one phase we could blaze through if we could just find the time to both fill out a detailed history, house layout, and our views on everything from discipline to holiday traditions. Appointments galore, and making a date out of them on Hunnie’s day off.
Unyielding - In October we had to coordinate multiple sitters for our training, Hunnie left for the Dominican Republic, I had to pay way too much to change our plane tickets, but we were going to keep moving forward.
Overwhelmed - Taking the classes was like being sprayed by a firehose…a lot coming at you. It was information about bonding, attachment, and the system of California. Books, homework and information overload. Decisions. Consensus. Moving on.
Surprised - In December we got our first call about a possible situation. “Would you be willing to take a 13 month old child…tomorrow?” This is just what we signed up for…a hopeless mother, needing to know there is hope out there. Well, we weren’t thinking things would move so quickly. How much do we tell our kids? Checking phone every hour. Waiting. The mom is keeping the child. We are not disappointed, it is the best outcome. But, maybe we should start babyproofing (just in case), because apparently “it” can happen overnight.
Encouraged - with our homestudy complete, and another possible scenario extended to us, we start to clear our calendars. We are thankful and hesitantly expectant.
Depressed- very sad about brokenness in the world, and in families. Sorry that children often pay the price for a parent’s addiction, neglect or carelessness.
Hopeful - Another call that just doesn’t seem to be a fit. But, I know that there is a family for these two children and we continue to wait.
Contemplative - Feeling like the ninth month of pregnancy that just seems to go on forever. Except, that it doesn’t last for just a month and there is a whole list of unknowns to be considered. Enjoying the moments as a family of four, knowing it will change, just not when.
Impatient - For some reason, last month has been the hardest. I had thought I’d have some “bonding” time with future child before summer. I had thought he/she would be here for our upcoming family reunion. The phone has been silent, and my kids have been asking.
Blessed - by the comfort and support of others. Encouraged by the words so honestly shared by others.
So, how are you feeling about things?