The Mommies' Diaries…Parenting, One Blog at a Time.

Last Sunday, all day long I kept saying,

I feel like I just found out I’m pregnant and also just found out I’m in labor.

Everything felt like it should stop, but life just kept going. I had taken out some meat to thaw and joked that perhaps we’d have another child before that even was ready to be eaten! Of course, the following day was Sunday, which just means we see a lot of people.  We couldn’t keep “the call” to ourselves, because we are open books!  Also, we love our family and our church community and honestly we have tried to be transparent in this journey of life…the highs and lows. This roller coaster has had some twists and turns for sure, and this was just another tall climb and fast drop.

So, last Saturday we got a call about a woman who had a baby that day, had seen our profile and wanted to put her child up for adoption through our agency and maybe to us! We just had to give it a night.  Well, of course, we hardly slept, tried to let the kids and family know that we might be going through some big changes, like, immediately, and then waited.

We checked our phones a number of times, washed some baby clothes, “nested” by cleaning our house, stocked the fridge from Costco…mostly because I was so restless and had to do something. We prayed for the perfect plan for this little girl to unfold, whether it included us or not.  Still waiting, I sat down and dozed off and then, RING!!! The call we have been waiting for!

The birth mom has chosen another family.  She wants her child to be a gift for a family who does not/ cannot have children.  And, I feel like I am happy the child will be in a great home, I am sad that my children won’t have a little sibling today, and I feel everything in between.  Our director said to us, “Its like having to have your bags packed, but then waiting.”…Yes, thats the tension I had felt all day.  What do I DO?!

Sister Bear is currently building this race car in our new vacuum box:

And, that is exactly it:  It is hard to pack your bags for a “trip”, attempt to make/ rearrange plans for the possibilities and then have to wait for the right car to pick you up!  But, you also DO want to take the “right” car that was meant for you when your trip ought to take you to New York (as opposed Pahrump, or wherever.)  

So, we are ready and yet, we wait some more.