Posted by annemarie | Posted in Miscellaneous | Posted on 31-10-2012
It’s not something we talk about often, but let’s let the crisp fall breeze bring in honesty and grace and let us be real with one another…
To be honest, I’ve been sitting here for some time trying to get this horrible “writers” block to go away. I haven’t blogged for POP for a while now. Partly because I felt the pressure to write candidly every Saturday about my struggles with conceiving another child, and truly, I ran out of things to say in that category. I do, however, have lots to say about my every day home life with a almost 3 year old and since I got the “go” to write about whatever I feel like, I am going to incorporate more of just who I am.
My favorite season is Fall. I’m a sucker for nubby sweaters, apple cider, football, and scented candles. Every fall, I decorate our house and make it extra cozy. I’ve have a decorative plate that I bring out to display until Thanksgiving and it reads, “May Grace Surround Us.”
Recently, the subject of “grace” has flooded my mind. What does that look like in my life? Why aren’t we more gracious with each other, especially in our struggles? Particularly, why do we as women (especially those of us in our 30’s) nit pick at each other so much? Why are we so darn caddy, mean, and competitive with one another? Where is the grace that I know we all have in us so that we may share in each others struggles and imperfections?
After pondering these questions, I came up with three categories that I need to be show more grace in. These include my family, my friends, and myself.
What does grace look like in your family? For me, how do I show grace and mercy to my husband, daughter, and extended family? I think to be open and honest with out being angry or mean. When Mike says he is sorry, to truly forgive. I am so the person who makes others have to say they’re sorry upteen times. I want people to feel really, really sorry and really, really mean it. Often times, I can manipulate a situation to make it seem more in my favor when really it’s me who is at fault. I think grace can simply be saying, “I’m sorry” or “I truly forgive you,” and mean it. I also think that grace doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. It’s tempting to try and get historical when I’m in an argument with Mike, but where is the grace in reminding others of their past?
For my daughter, this is so huge. I want Peyton to grow up to be a gracious person and to really know and feel the grace she has been shown. There are times when I can ream her for something that is just so small, or my tone of voice needs to be toned down 90 decibels. I need to show her grace when she makes a mistake and to see it as a lesson on how even though I’m sad she disobeyed, that grace is one of the ways I love her. I also want her to learn how to show it to others. I love the quote by Rick Warren, “And you know, when you’ve experienced grace and you feel like you’ve been forgiven, you’re a lot more forgiving of other people. You’re a lot more gracious to others.” That is why when someone says they are sorry to Peyton, I make sure she tells them “I forgive you.” I want her to know and feel the liberation that forgiveness and grace give.
This one is really tough for me. I see this time and time again with women…we are just so hard on one another. There is NO grace allowed in surfacy friendships and that is why I desire to deeply know and love my friends. I think about my old best friend, Erin. I haven’t talked to her in 8 years and it’s my fault. I let something that was big at the time (looking back it was so stupid and so small) to eat at me and then I blew it with our friendship. I didn’t forgive, I didn’t let it go, and grace was not shown where it should have been and I lost a friend. Forgiveness and grace go hand in hand and I believe that when you forgive you feel and experience grace and where there is grace there is a whole lot of freedom. What do I do now that our friendship is no longer? All I could do is apologize and hope that an inkling of grace would allow her to forgive me. I can only do my part and hope one day she comes back around.
I’m really hard on myself, for everything. I usually go to bed at night rethinking of all the things I could have done better as a mom and wife. I am my own worst enemy and in my “people pleasing” kind of attitude, I have forgotten to show grace to myself. It’s in the saying over and over again that I am going to fail people, and I don’t need to have it all together is where grace is shown in my darkest times. Now that I’m going on my seventh month of trying to conceive, I feel that my body is never going to know how to get pregnant and I beat myself up over that. Maybe it’s in the showing grace to ourselves that we are able to show and elude grace to others. If that’s true, then I have a lot of work to do.
My hope for you, dear reader, that wherever you are and whatever you are dealing with that you would feel grace surround you. Maybe you are a person that needs to show more grace in your family and friendships or maybe it needs to start with not being so hard on yourself. I guess I have a long path ahead of me because I need more of it in all three categories. As we come upon the Thanksgiving season, my hope for you is that you would not only be a thankful person but that you would be a gracious person. Grace doesn’t just happen once, it happens and then it happens again. Are you a person that can give grace again, and then over again? It doesn’t mean that we don’t stand up for our convictions or let others walk all over us. In our disagreeing, we can show love and grace. My hope is that grace would heal wounds and that as you experience it, you would feel it close up the tiny or gaping holes in your life.
May your days be filled with grace and peace.