The Mommies' Diaries…Parenting, One Blog at a Time.

I am not sure what I was thinking when I decided to schedule every single possible appointment on the face of the earth for March.  I was probably pregnant and not noticing how full the schedule was getting.    As I hit the end of the month I want to beg for mercy and just crawl in bed and take a nap.

One of the side aspects of having a child/children with special needs is the “team”.  As a parent, we think of ourselves as “team leaders”.  It is my job to make sure that the OT is aware of what the PT is doing.  I have to make sure that the IEP team is aware of what outside services are going on.   Genetics needs to know about the findings at ENT.  You get the idea. Having a team is awesome because it means that I am not alone in trying to figure out what my child needs and what is the next priority to be working on.  The downside is that we have to check in with the team periodically and for me this year it was March.  We did eye exams, ENT visits, dentist visits, got tubes put in ears, had three IEP meetings, had a yearly meeting with County Mental Health, had our goal setting meeting with the behavior therapy folks, sleep clinic visit for a sleep study, neuro stuff and the middle school play to top it all off.  I should have given up my sanity for Lent, since it seems that I did that anyway.

Beyond the scheduling issues, I have felt very impressed this month to be thankful for the many folks who help us keep this family unit rolling along.  I find myself fixating lately on some of the issues with my kids that normally would have rolled off my back.  I’m sure it is the lack of sleep and the fact that we just moved, but this mom is being a little too emotional. For me, emotional means I become pessimistic.  Yesterday at church, I had a quiet moment to reflect on the tremendous progress that the kids have made.  While it is true that I feel like I will have to put a fork in my eye if I hear the words “snack, mom, snack” come from Ace one more time–I am also aware that it means she is able to connect language with action and is able to ask me for things (not that anyone else could identify what she is saying….).  And while I feel like I might go insane after the second hour of listening to Cubby drumming on the window with his brand new drum sticks (my husband thought those would be the PERFECT Disneyland souvenir), he is using his imagination and doing abstract play and able to entertain himself.  That is huge progress for this kid.  Tiny is getting less tiny.  She has a voracious appetite.  She also NEVER STOPS TALKING.   For a child that we had to force feed till the age of three and that we though might never really interact with people, it is nothing short of miraculous.   Even the midnight feedings are a blessing in disguise since they give me a chance to have some quiet one on one time with Minnie.     I am still trying to find the upside of laundry and dishes.

One huge development that we managed this week is that we are cutting back behavior therapy services for Cubby, along with mental health services in school.   What that means in layman’s terms is that he is able to manage his behavior at school in church a way that he doesn’t need extra coaching.  His teachers and aide can manage it.   In the past, he had difficulty knowing how to react on the playground when kids didn’t want to play with him, or when he was faced with a situation that was unfamiliar to him. His reaction was to get aggressive (punching was usually involved, followed by shame. A terrible cycle).  He also met weekly with a psychologist to help him work out how to manage relationships at school and how to face his fears ABOUT school.   He is able to do all this on his own now and we hope that he can continue to keep these skills in the front of his mind as he navigates big changes coming up at school.   I am so proud of my Cubby boy.   I am so glad that he has a team that is committed to helping him be successful at school.

The last week of March will find me finishing the last of my appointments (Neuro, Orthodontics, one more dentist to go).  I will commit to making a few dinners that don’t involve pasta, trying to look at the bright side of progress and taking more naps.  That sounds about right.

Today I had planned on writing about how we are going to the Nutcracker today.  I was even going to throw in the fact that this week out of school (and off schedule–a major  stressor for two of our kids) has been awesome.  A much needed break and bonding time for our family. I know, I am as surprised as you are. 

Instead I am going to talk again about tender mercies.  Our family goal this year was to be aware of the tender mercies in our life.   I am pretty sure they existed all along, but taking the time to notice them has made all the difference.  A tender mercy is something that is a small gem of goodness, someone throwing you a bone, or even just a tiny glimmer in the of a big pile of yuck.  It is not so drastic as being Pollyanna all the time, but it is noticing the little bits of good that do exist, even if you are cursing the hard stuff at the same time.   �
Here is my tender mercy of the day.  Much of my day is spent trying to keep our schedule rolling along and to turn our home into a learning lab.  It is routine by now, but lots of emotional energy and time goes into making sure that when we are floating through the day, we are teaching the things that need to be taught.  Getting dressed isn’t just getting dressed, it is practicing self help skills and working to make sure that Cubby can practice following two part instructions, and Ace can pull up her own pants, etc. Today I had the chance to feed breakfast to Tiny while the rest of the kids were off doing something else.  The conversation we had will keep me going for days.
“Did you have a good sleep, Mom?”

“Yes I did, did you?”

“Did you have good dreams, Mom?”

“I think so, did you?”

“Yes, I dreamed of lots of pretty princesses and dancing.  I was a dancing princess with lots of pretty shoes and you loved me”.

She went on to chatter about how excited she is to go to the ballet today and wondered if she would be allowed to dance on her seat (sure, why not?) and if she could have popcorn on the way home (again, why not?) and on and on.  I realized that in the course of managing the day I forget to just let things be what they are.  That doesn’t work with all the kids, but I needed to remind myself that not all my kids are the same (how many times will I have to re-teach myself that lesson?).  This middle child of mine, who is tiny and secure and happy to exist in her space in the middle reminded me that I need to take the time to just TALK to her.  I’m not always sure if my kids know that I love them in the way that they need to know it, and not just in the way that I choose to express it. I thought my heart would burst today knowing that in her golden dream she knew that (along with having some awesome shoes). It shouldn’t be the case that this kind of conversation is rare for me.  I need to step back from the business of being “THE MOM” and just be her mom.   

I sure love my kids.  I even love them when they are hard, but I especially love them when they remind me why I decided to do this mom thing in the first place.  Happy holidays to you and I wish you a new year FULL of tender mercies.