The Mommies' Diaries…Parenting, One Blog at a Time.

When I grew up, I kind of found out about sex all by myself.  I learned things as I went along, friends shared their thoughts with each other, and you walked a long road trying things out and eventually everyone around you seemed to get wiser to the pluses and minuses of sex.

Most kids didn’t really know a whole lot or even try things until they got older.  Whenever kids were ‘caught’ doing various things, all the other kids were shocked and made a big deal out of it.  And rightfully, some of it needed to be made a big deal out of.

Times started changing, diseases came into play, some could be fatal like HIV, and it’s become much more serious business today than before because of the consequences that exist now.  I felt that when death is a possibility, the game changes.

Do we really have an option to let our kids learn on their own?  And can we really wait until they get older to educate them?  I remember I didn’t want to have to expose my kids to the facts at such an early age, but I felt that by not doing so, I was responsible for putting them at risk.  And as a single parent, you can’t really push it off on your spouse or partner to do it.

Kids these days are very educated and there is a lot of manipulation and mind control going on out there.  I’ll save that for another blog.  My point is I felt I needed to have the talk at an early enough age so they would be armed with the information needed to protect themselves out there.

Kids want to hear the truth about sex.

As a single father, I’ve always been pretty involved with my kids and listened to them whenever they wanted to talk to me about difficult subjects.  The good news is I learned that just talking about all the facts with them was not as difficult as I thought it would be.  Not only did I learn that at 10 years old they already knew quite a bit (unfortunately), but I was also able to fill in quite a few gaps they had no idea about.

This didn’t shut down the conversation by embarassment or humility, it actually opened it up.  They asked questions.  I gave them answers.  And because we were to the point, it didn’t have to last forever.

Don’t be afraid to talk to them.  It’s about protecting your children, not sheltering them.  By having the information, you’ve removed so many possibilities for errors in judgement and decisions made from fear or peer pressure.  I felt I was giving them their independence and removing my fear  for them by talking about it with them.

And then, I finished up by telling them they could always talk to me or ask me questions about any of it, ‘because that’s how I roll’.  Sometimes a little humor goes a long way.

Have you ever had one of those moments where one day you feel like you’re 30 and then the next morning you feel like you’re 35?  Oh yeah.  I’m definitely having one of those moments.  Only, this time I woke up and I felt like I just jumped ten years into the future.

My oldest daughter just closed escrow on her first home with her fiance’.  I think they’re personally trying to put me into the retirement home.  Less than a year ago, her fiance’ asked me for her hand in marriage.  A moment I had visualized for a long time.  But, that’s another ‘Hot Tub Time Machine’ story…

Looking for a home with my daughter and her fiance’ wasn’t bad.  It was fun driving around, going inside of homes that were staged with someone else’s miniature furniture.  I’m 5′ 5″ so these places make me feel like I’m in the land of giants and I’m the giant, so that’s always fun.

When the day came where her fiance’ had to get to work and she needed someone to go with her to the final appointment of the day to look at a home with the realtor, I stepped it up.  Dads, just because they grow older doesn’t mean you get to stop doing what you should be doing.  See my older blog Being There.

When we pulled up to the house, I got out of the passenger side (one of the perks of getting older is that you don’t have to do all the driving everywhere anymore!), looked at the home, and I KNEW, this would be the house.

Walking through the house with her, she visualized different stages of the next five years of her life in the house.  Dinner parties on the back deck with music playing through the speakers mounted on the top of the arbor.  The office they would maintain their budget in and invest in money-making ventures together.  The importance of picking the right room for the baby room (I blocked that one out).  That was hard enough.

But then they closed on this house three days ago.  They were tremendously happy.  A vast difference from the mood swings buying a home can put you in.  To see them jumping up and down coming out of their skin, literally, made me happy.

That night when I went to bed, I thought about the trips to Home Depot packing her around on my back.  We bought wood to build a front porch together.  We laid concrete for the back patio and side walkway together.  We went to downtown street fairs together.  Dads, there is nothing you can’t do with the babies!

I thought about the trips to McDonald’s for Happy Meals.  The number of people, young and old, would come over to tell me how beautiful and well behaved she was, was incredible.  It felt like I had a celebrity with me at all times.

I recalled trips to the Farmer’s Market at the College of San Mateo on Saturday mornings to grab fresh Asiago Cheese bread or that cinammon twist she looked forward to so much.

Our trips to Pelican Beach (aka Poplar Beach) in Half Moon Bay, lounging on white sand and taking pictures of the contrasting blue skies and green trees.  A tradition we still practice to this day, only now her fiance’ comes along.

And we loved little trips to Red Robins and Jeffreys Burgers.  There’s nothing like a good burger and some strawberry lemonade on a perfect summer day.

Then, I made the mistake of falling asleep and waking up the following morning.  When I got up, I simply felt different.  My bones ached.  Arthritis was kicking in.  And I forgot things.  All symptoms that I had aged 10 years!  Later that day, after taking a shower to clear my head, all the aches went away and I began to remember things again.  Like the fact that my youngest daughter had, indeed, grew up.

It was their first time.  We packed up the Honda Prelude, rolled back the sunroof, and headed up to Memorial Park in La Honda (located above Woodside near Loma Mar off Hwy 84 on the way to Pescadero on Hwy 1), a guaranteed hit with kids because of it’s creeks, rope swings, modest hiking trails, and ampitheatre.  It was a warm sunny morning, and the kids were wondering what dad was doing getting them up so early.  What could be that cool?

I paid $6 at the gate to the park and as we drove slowly down the small cracked pavement to the picnic area where my mother took us as kids, I looked at them in the rear view mirror and alongside me.  Their faces were solemn, looking at the giant redwoods and the lush green foliage everywhere.

I parked the car and the kids jumped out.  As I stepped out of the car, they asked, “Can we get up on the giant tree?”

“Of course”, I muttered enjoying the moment.

And so they climbed on top of the giant fallen tree, just as I did when I was young(erer).  They stood on top of it simply looking up in wonderment at the height and the breadth of the environment they were in.

“Listen daddy.  You can hear the leaves moving.”

I had done it.  I had not only showed them wonder and joy, but I had created a respect for the environment, and continued a tradition.

Today, my teens still go camping – whether it’s with each other, their friends, or with me.  They love the beach.  They still have the appetite to explore new places, take pictures instead of taking mementos home, and are careful not to trample the environment where it is not meant to be trampled.

Because playing outdoors is better than video games.  Hiking and rock climbing is better than music television.  Biking and swimming in the ocean is more grounding than reality television.

It wasn’t hard.  I didn’t have to recreate the wheel.  I just had to look to my past.  To the lessons my parents taught me.  To the places they took me.  The food they fed me.

As for me?  Well, I’m still cool.  I still know how to take them to places they’ve never been, show them new things they’ve never seen, and how to do things they’ve never tried.  Memorial Park was just the beginning.

The birth of Total Teen Dad.

When you were younger (please note I did not say young) and somebody asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up, I’m sure you were all like me.  You jumped up and down and said “A taxi driver!”

Yeah, right.

It’s something parents never talk about.  I think the secret lies in the Book of Secrets only the President of the U.S. has access to.

When our children are small and you’re like our new mommie or our preschool mommie, we take them with us everywhere for various reasons.  Because we want to.  Because we have to.  Because we’re showing them off.

One day, we decide to take a chance and expand our horizons and put them in a fun-petitive sport during the summer.  It lasts several weeks and we drive them to and from the sport.

If we’re lucky, they find something they’re really good at like dancing or karate or baseball and it’s awesome. Your child is growing up before your eyes doing things you never imagined you would see them doing!

And somewhere down the line when they blow out 13 candles, or so, something strange happens.  This time portal opens up, swallows you, and 4 or 5 years flies by and you realize you have become a taxi driver!

Oh yes.  It’s true.  The amount of time you spend driving your children around increases exponentially with the type of activities they participate in as they get into their teens.  They’ll want to participate in sports that last 463 days out of the year, go to dances that last 4 hours but take 5 weeks to prepare for, complete school projects that Davinci had an easier time constructing, and take countless trips to the malls with their friends.

As a single father, I’ve become a Total Teen Dad and I’ve never complained.  Why would I?  In a strange way, this is a good thing.  You feel needed.  You get to spend more time with them, see them get excited about the new things, and experience the pitfalls that come with some new things.  And after several years of driving them around the world many times, you’ll actually be excited for them when they get their drivers license.  I think it’s Mother Nature’s way of preparing us for their independence.

Yes.  I thought I wanted to direct films when I got older and option a screenplay or two.  Apparently, I was wrong.  I wanted to be a taxi driver.

The teen years are a magical time.  A time of discovery about one’s self.  To explore new boundaries.  They turn to you for everything because they believe you know everything.  They trust you with everything.  You can do no wrong.  You finally realize everything about parenting has come true.  It’s what you always imagined it would be.

I know what you’re thinking.  He’s mad.  He’s drinking way too much espresso.  Okay.  You’re right.  I have had too much caffeine.  But I assure you, I’m not losing my mind!

My daughter came to me at 9:40pm the other night and asked if I could take her to Michael’s, a craft store.  When I looked at the clock, she said she needed some supplies for a history project.  I dropped everything, pickup up the keys, and we headed out to get what she needed.  As we walked into the store, they announced the store was closing in ten minutes.  “It’s due tomorrow, isn’t it?” I queried calmly.

“Yes,” she sighed.  “I’ve got a lot going on.”

If you were watching me on television right now and a camera was pointing at me, I would be looking into the camera right now.

My children are procrastinators.  Not so good.  But, they seem to handle extreme pressure with such grace.  Not so bad.  I’ve learned that there is good and bad in everything.  We can choose to fight who they are becoming, but we have to remember we’re responsible for shaping them.  Thank God the clay is still soft!

Sure, it was late to run to the store and she stayed up until 2:30am finishing that project, but I got to spend some one-on-one time that becomes so rare as they get older and I needed to get out of the house.

This is the kind of moment that can define your relationship with your teen.  You can get angry everytime they drop one of life’s little surprises on you, (and it is frequent!) or you can be like me, settle down with a copy of Parenting on the Peninsula, and have another cup of espresso!