Posted by MissyHall | Posted in Adopting Mommy | Posted on 23-05-2012
Tags: adoption, car conversation, Missy Hall
Sometimes I like to
drown out my children sing along with my children to the loudest music we can find on the radio. Other times, we chat it up. Today was one of those days, and what I hear reminds me that I know that I should really be listening just a bit more to these crazy kids.
Me: What are you thinking about, lovey?
My four year old: That I’d like to adopt a boy baby now. (For months my kids have had their opinions: Brother Bear wants a boy so he can move up to the top bunk and teach him baseball; Sister Bear wants a girl to play tea parties with.)
Me: Why is that?
Sister Bear: Because, I need two people to dance with and then, when they are bigger, they can both carry me on their shoulders.
Sister Bear: Can you marry two mens (her word) at the same time?
Me: No, why?
Sister Bear: because I need one husband to go to work and one to stay home and dance with me (she obviously was having some dancing day dreams!)
Sister Bear: do we walk or drive to pick up our new child?
Me: well, we probably won’t walk, but we may drive, or Mr. Dave might bring him/her to us.
Sister Bear: go and get directions, so we can drive there today.
Me: I wish we could do that but we have to wait until they call us.
Sister Bear: that’s because all the kids in the whole wide world have happy homes right now, right?
Me: Well, I wish that was the case, but sadly it’s not. (….stutter…hmmm, looking for the right words)
One of the hardest things to explain to our kids is the WHY’s of adoption. Another, is figuring out how to keep them involved in the conversation, but to what extent? I’m having a week (or two) where I am just feeling very sad/ impatient and wondering when we will receive THE call for our child. My daughter, apparently, is having one of those as well. She has been asking a lot of good questions (and some silly ones as you can tell) and really, I am not always sure how to answer them.
I don’t know how to tell them the statistics about how many kids are abused, or neglected or are stuck in families where one or both parents take drugs. Nor do I think I should share all this. That’s exactly my problem. How much should I share?
I suppose a fear of mine is saying the wrong thing. Words are strange because they can so quickly build up and so quickly tear down and it is very hard to put them back into your mouth.
I’m sure there will be more conversations and we will just take them one at a time, seeking wisdom along the way. One day the time will come when we will have to have hard conversations with our future child, and my hope is that our words would give him/her hope and a bit of understanding, when, truly, most of the reasons for adoption are hard to understand.
I am both nervously anxious about and joyfully anticipating future conversations…so, I hope that I remember more often to turn off the noise and take the time to just listen.