The Mommies' Diaries…Parenting, One Blog at a Time.

Me: Avery, I would like for you to have three more bites of your dinner?

Avery: But I don’t want to!

Me: If you don’t eat anymore dinner you don’t get chocolate chippies!

Avery: Okay, I’ll have one more bite!

Me: I said three more bites

Avery: Okay Daddy, I’ll have two!

Me: Deal!!!!!!

My daughter has learned at a very young age the art of negotiating. When my wife and I got our new car I actually thought for a second of having my daughter deal one on one with the salesman to beat him down (That sad face with the bright blue eyes and the guy might have given us the car for free)! Most of the time it’s actually kind of funny but can stretch into frustration when the listening skills go for a vacation. Just the other day, right before a meltdown, she actually said the following:

Avery: I only want to go outside and look at my scooter. I don’t want to ride it….I just want to look at it! (This at 8:30pm)

Me: Okay, but it’s getting late so only for two minutes.

Avery: Five minutes daddy…just five minutes. (She doesn’t have the concept of time yet…or at least I don’t think so)

Me: No boo boo…it’s bedtime.

Avery: Okay daddy, three minutes. (We ended up staying out for ten)

Where does this kid get this stuff? The Lorax? Monsters Inc.? Doubtful

How can you help but laugh? I can’t begin to describe how many times I’ve listened, turned around to laugh because she’s hilarious, then try and have a straight conversation when she’s clearly winning the negiotation. I love this little girl!!

Tomorrow I think we might try our first movie……Finding Nemo 3D……wish me luck!!!

You know that scene in the movies where the parents go to the toy store and their child is having so much fun but when it comes time to leave said child throws an intense tantrum? Welcome to my Thursday night at Toy ‘r’ Us. As we joyfully walked down the aisles of the newly renovated Redwood City store my daughter found the 4-wheel drive 12volt battery operated trucks and cars, She loves them! She climbs into each and everyone and declares “this is my favorite.” (She doesn’t know yet but apparently Santa Claus is bringing her one for Christmas…he told me!) As in everywhere you go there is ultimately the time to which you need to leave. As if she can read my mind or body language she beats me to the punch. Actual conversation 8/30/12:

Me: “Okay Sweet……”

Avery: “But I don;t want to leave yet!”

Me: “How did you know I was going to say we needed to leave?”

Avery: “But I don’t want too…..

Me: “I know sweetie but you need to eat and the store is closing now! (White Lie)

Avery: Tears……Tantrum

Us parents need to stick to our guns though because the slightest moment of weakness and they pounce. I’ve realized the art of manipulation begins at the age of 2. While it was ultimately a little struggle we ended up getting out of the store, my wife got what she needed and we cried all the way to dinner. It doesn;t mean I don’t feel bad though…….I just can’t give in. And boy it is frustrating to have a screaming child crying while strange men and woman stare at me light I’m a car and they are deer in headlights! Tell me I’m not the only one!!!!

Til next time

When my daughter was about 9 months old we took a small trip down to San Diego. It was her first real flight and overall weekend away from home. That was almost two years ago! This coming December, as an early 3 year old birthday present, we are taking her to Disneyland for a week. When we told her last month that we were going she put on her backpack and said “Let’s go, I’m ready!” In hindsight we probably shouldn’t have spilled the beans because explaining to her that it was still a little “way’s a way” didn’t quite register in her 2 1/2 year old mind. That was my fault and wasn’t fair! A lot of crying occurred that night here in this household.

I see Disneyland as some what of a mini milestone. She knows all the characters and knows that there are roller coasters and rides there…or as she put it “Is it like the fair daddy?” I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t stoked to go too. I don’t trust people who say they don’t like disneyland (the same people who don’t smile at a baby!) What I am very curious about is how much we’ll realistically get thru on the first day! We recently went to the Academy of Sciences in San Francisco and lasted about 45 minutes…..we saw everything in 45 minutes because our speed demon raced thru every exhibit and simply didn’t have the time (except for the baby ostrich’s…she like those!) I guess that’s why we are going for a week! One day we can go to toon town…the next on it’s a small world…etc.etc.

I’m excited to go because I remember how much fun it was when I was little. My parents would get up early in the morning, open the blinds and just off in the distance we could see the peak of the matterhorn ride. Back then we didn’t undrstand the concept that places opened at a certain time….”We want to go NOW!!!!” I’m assuming the same will hold true for my daughter when we go….”I want to go RIGHT NOW!” It will be interesting because it will be the first time we go without being able to enjoy the rides ourselves. I might have to look at my wife and say “Can I go on Space Mountain….PLEASE! I want to go RIGHT NOW!

Can’t wait………

I myself am a die hard giants fan and I love going to the movies. My daughter is a die hard “mover and a shaker” and refuses to sit still….so why wouldn’t I try to take her to a Giants game and to the movies? I’ve been thinking lately that I’m going to give it a shot and see what happens. There are several possibilities:

1) We go to the Giants game and she gets spotted by a cameraman and makes the big screen. Her dad (me) get’s so excited that we’re on the big screen that I spill my coke in my lap and my daughter starts to cry.

2) We go to the Giants game and a foul ball get’s hit right into my lap but I fumble and lose it to a 5 year old sitting two rows down. My daughter starts to cry.

3) We go to the Giants game and we have an awesome time, she becomes a die hard baseball fan and grows up to own the Giants and gives her old man his very own mini dugout down the 3rd baseline. Her dad (me) starts to cry.

We watch a lot of Toy Story 3 and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs in my house. My daughter is VERY close to sitting still long enough to get thru an entire movie. When she doesn’t sit still it’s because she catches a glimpse of my cat and has to tackle him. If we go to the movies there are several possibilities of things that could occur. As follows:

1) We go to see the newest pixar movie but when the lights start to get dark my daughter gets scared and starts to cry.

2) We go to the movies and I accidentally eat the last “reeses pieces” and my daughter starts to cry.

3) We go to the movies, get some popcorn and sit together and enjoy an awesome cartoon. Her dad (me) starts to cry.

Sooooo…if you happen to be at a S.F. Giants game in the next couple of months, or at the movies, and you see a 33 yr old man shedding a small tear it might be me.

The other day I was having lunch with my dad at a restaurant in San Carlos when I peered over and noticed a little girl (maybe 5yrs old) sitting at a table, drinking a coke and staring at her grilled cheese sandwich. She was by herself…or she might as well have been. Her dad was busy joking around with his friends at the bar, selecting songs to play on the jukebox and stepping outside for the occasional cigarette. I’m not going to sit her and say I didn’t immediately judge the situation because I did. It bothered me! Maybe this guy was the occasional “weekend parent” who has selective dates to which he can see his beautiful little girl. I would think that the time with his blessing would be better spent talking, laughing and playing versus the occasional over the shoulder look and saying “you want another coke?”

Look, maybe this was an isolated occurance. Maybe this guy won father of the year somewhere and I’m just being an A-hole for passing judgement. Could be the case right? Maybe he was selecting a sesame street song on the jukebox and his daughter told him to go drink beer and smoke cigarettes every 10 minutes while they were together. DOUBTFUL!

There is a time to be selfish and there is a time to pay attention. A daughter/father relationship is special. I want my daughter to look back on her childhood and remember playing, running thru sprinklers, spinning on chairs, and laughing until her stomach hurt…and I want her to remember that I was there to do those things together.  I personally can’t think of anything worse then having my daughter grow up and say “i wish you spent more time with me when I was younger! It would be so unsettling and a true break of my heart.

My point here is that while the saying “life is short” is stated countless times every day it should go along with “time with your children is platinum!” Nothing else matters…..think about it!

Personally I’ve never been good at playing rock, paper, scissors. I just can’t seem to find the right “2 out of 3″ combination to win. You know what else I’m not really good at these days? Getting my daughter to eat her dinner. Lately it seems like we (her mom and I) can only get her to take as many as 3-4 bites before she is bouncing around the house jumping on the cats, saying “Daddy I want money!” and requesting candy. Some nights, like last night, nothing we do works and it just ends up being a day of hodge podge eating and grazing. (Hence the title “The Grazer”)

With a 2.5 year old I’ve realized that a bit of trickery (and enticing) works best when it comes to eating food. One thing you don’t do is ask a child what they want to eat without giving choices. Example:

Me: “Sweetie, what do you want to eat for dinner?”

Daughter: “Ummmm…..candy and…ummmmmm…..CANDY!”

Me: “Ummm, maybe we won’t eat that right now…how about PB&J or Ham and Cheese?”

Daughter: “But I want ice cream….I don’t want Peanut Butter!”

Without giving choices I allowed her to put in her mind what she wanted to eat instead of thinking about what the real choices were. Once that happens it becomes increasingly more difficult to get my little Grazer to eat dinner because visions of mini ice cream cones and jello go dancing through her head while staring at carrots and ham and cheese. I get it…..I would want the exact same thing if presented that way.

My point really is that communication is vital with these youngsters. Not only are they sponges absorbing everything we say but they are starting to develop associative memory and understand (to a point) that they have choices other then what’s presented to them (does that make sense?). Basically she’s learning to outsmart me!

Back to the drawing board…………….

If there is something in the world I hate (and hate is a strong word) it’s when my daughter is sick! If I could have three wishes from a genie they would be the following:

1) Assure me my daughter will always be OK and never be sick!

2) Give me a blank check to an endless supply of cash.

3) A dutch crunch sandwich from the old “Kelly’s Sandwiches” in Belmont (Ham, American Cheese, Pesto Sauce and a little Pepper)

I might as well be sick to because all I think about during the day is how she’s feeling. If you’ve read my previous posts you know that my daughter has had a history of febrile seizures. She is high energy and full of life so it’s easy to determine when she isn’t feeling good (lathargic/slower/glassy eyed look). To see her like that just deflates me. Although wish #1 (listed above) isn’t possible I still wish I could be like the guy in Stephen King’s “The Green Mile” and suck the venom/sickness out of her and into me! No bueno.

This morning she woke up still a little under the weather. A scratchy throat and a clearly irritable cough that we’ve probably all had at one point in our lifes. It happens right? When is someone going to invent a medicine that instantly makes you better.?…..And no I’m not talking about alcohol.

Bottom Line: Being Sick is for Assholes! It’s not fair and shouldn’t fall on children. (That’s my whining for the day!)

Bedtime in our house usually goes something like this:

Mom/Dad: “Okay sweetie, time to get ready for bed!”

A-Rae: “But I don’t want to go to my crippy. I want to stay in mommy/daddy’s bed.”

Mom/Dad: “We know, but you NEED to go to YOUR crib to fall alseep…it’s getting late.” (Conversation usually starts around 8pm)

A-Rae: “But I NEED to stay in here and watch Mickey in YOUR bed. (She even emphasizes the NEED and YOUR)

Eventually we are able to wrestle her free of the middle of our bed, into her jammies and then her crib. Once she hits her crib is when things start to get goofy. She is such a sweet, funny little girl that when she borders on the verge of “exhaustion” is when she is at her funniest. Last night, for example, we had a night full of varying extremes. A lot of crying, a lot of laughing, a lot of giggling, etc. She didn’t want to be in her crib…PERIOD. Nothing I or her mother did seemed to be working. Not even the “Ouch…daddy hit his toe again on the corner of your dresser and now it’s bleeding” event. This is where as parents you just need to e creative so I devised a plan which was followed up greatly by my wife. As follows:

It was readily apparent at around 8:30pm that she wasn’t going to stay in her crib and go to sleep. Obviously no parent likes it when their child is upset so I wanted to first get her to calm down. How do you get a very upset little girl to calm down? Easy…..play the “invisible game.” Using my hands as binoculors (sp) I looked all around the room saying “where’s A-Rae?”……”I’m right here daddy!,” she replied. “But I can’t see you when your sad…..I can see Super Grover, Elmo and Muno but I can’t find you! WHERE ARE YOU?”……”I”M RIGHT HERE DADDY!”, with a more distinct voice not crackling from crying. On and on we went until we were able to separate her from the thoughts of doing something that she so clearly made up her mind not to do which was to GO TO SLEEP!

Once calmed down my wife, like a perfect wing man, swooped in and propositioned. “Try and close your eyes for 5 minutes. If you can’t fall alseep we can watch the pajanimals for 5 minutes in mommy/daddy’s bed. ONLY 5 minutes.” Guess what……..she watched pajanimals for 20 minutes. Did she get her way? Kind of/sort of but she was so cute when she came out of her crib lying there with her mom. How do you say NO to beautiful blue eyes when she say’s “I can’t fall asleep….I want to go to your bed 1 more time!”

 I love that little girl more then she will ever know!

The word “love” is often associated with the symbol of a heart right? Everyone can feel their own heart beating by the pulsations in their chest, arms, neck, and sometimes “headaches.” That “thump thump………thump thump…..thump thump” sound over and over again. The heart is what circulates life through our bodies. Without your heart you die. For me my heart is my daughter.

I’ll never forget the first time I sat in the doctor’s office and they placed that contraption on my wife’s stomach, turned up the volume on a speaker and I heard a “whooshing” sound over and over and over again. I asked the doctor what the sound was and she replied “that’s the babies heartbeat!” I melted like butter. No sound before it ever compared. Here I was, 30 years old, streaming tears of joy and a smile ear to ear in front of a couple of strangers who get to hear such wonderful music on a daily basis. My wife and I both looked at each other and knew, at that moment, that our hearts belonged to this little person. It was then that I promised my baby that I would dedicate every ounce of me to his/her life. (At that time we hadn’t yet found out we were having a girl). It’s her world now!

People often try to define “I love you.” There is no one particular definition rather it’s what the individual feels. For me love is my family and this little girl who has brought so much joy and  laughter to our lives. She has no idea the impact she has had on so many….almost a rejuvination of sorts. She is my heart!

The first 8 months were a piece of cake. Go out to dinner with the combined car seat/carrier, place on a chair/cushion, order food and calmly eat and periodically take my little beauty out to see the world. From months 9 (started walking) to about 17 months it was about control and chasing  down the little kid with a loose diaper, one pigtail who was screaming “I’m free!” From 18 months until now ( 2 1/2)  it’s been a combination of the following:

1) Sit down, look over the menu and she throws her napkin and say’s “I’m dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!”

2) Sit down, look over the menu and after five minutes she says “I’m dunnnnnnnnnnnnn” followed with “I want ice cream daddy!”

3) Select a restaraunt, call in a pre-order of kid’s grilled cheese and fruit and tell the host/hostess “We’re coming in hot!”

4) Sit down, order food, start eating and stop to apologize to the guy behind me for the spaghetti my daughter just threw on his head.

Tonight we had what I considered a small milestone. We sat down for dinner at San Remo’s Pizza in San Carlos and my daughter sat with her crayons, nook and her mom’s phone for 20 minutes without issue. 20 whole minutes! It’s a miracle. You can see that her patience is growing little by little and understanding the overall process. (It helped that we had a large group of kids behind us sitting nice and quiet). Again it goes back to what my expectations are. I need to keep telling myself “she’s only 2 1/2 you big jerk.” Little kids aren’t meant to sit still……their minds are racing a mile a minute and want to see, touch and throw everything they come in contact with. It’s their nature! (And sometimes mine as an adult)

 Before having my daughter I would become easily annoyed with continuous crying or kid’s wailing on the ground throwing a tantrum. (Let’s be honest parents….a crying baby or toddler on an airplane stretches the nerves right?) But since she has blessed my life with her presence I understand what those parents were going thru. (Every parent has that non-verbal look to other parents of “I’ve been there and done that!) You know what I’m talking about…..

What it comes down to is patience. Some days we have more then others. (My wife would say I was born with none…) I will admit that she has taught me so much about who I was and what I need to be….and that’s a man with a lot more patience! Love you A-Rae!