Posted by annemarie | Posted in Mommy-To-Be | Posted on 26-05-2012
I hate infertility. I hate secondary infertility too. It can rob joy from your first born and make scary feelings arise that my hopes and dreams for PJ’s sibling might not ever happen. I want to enjoy every second with PJ, and yet, desiring a second can become distracting and daunting.
Because I’m dealing with secondary infertility right now, I want to address those who have babies or toddlers and desire another bundle of joy:
My dear sweet Mama of 1,
I’m sure with hopeful tears you might be feeling guilty for “obsessing” over conceiving another child. You want to enjoy your toddler but you are desiring a sibling for your first and a little bundle to cuddle and fall in love with all over again. I’m so there.
The toddler years are daunting. Does it feel like you are on repeat? How much easier is having a baby rather than a toddler? A toddler can be brain sucking and euphoric all in the same minute. I feel like I have bipolar when dealing with my toddler and there are times when all I desire is to give her a playmate to play with so she isn’t so obsessed with yours truly. I’m frankly done telling her “do not put your booger in my coffee cup.” I freak out when I entertain the idea that the next time I might have a toddler is when I celebrate my 50th birthday! It seems like it will never happen, and yet, it feels like my toddler will never enter a different “phase.”
Through mud tracks, poopy underwear accidents, and restless nights please know you aren’t alone. Enjoy these fleeting times with your sweet child because they do grow up fast and from what I’m told we Mama’s are going to desire booger coffee and stains on our white jeans when they are teenagers. Don’t be so obsessed with the “duty” of getting pregnant again that you lose site of your first miracle.
I was given PJ as a gift. I really thought I was never going to be able to conceive a child on my own, and here I am complaining about one-very-hard-toddler-phase. That is what it is, a fleeting phase and it should be enjoyed. I do want to give her a sibling but I don’t want to do it at her expense. She is only little once and she is mine. All mine.
Laugh when she cuts her bangs too short or completely off. Laugh when she wants to crawl into bed with you in the middle of the night. Laugh when the mud tracks are everywhere and you have said no for the 50th time. It will happen all over again, maybe not during your timetable, but when it does happen you will be grateful for its perfect timing.