The Mommies' Diaries…Parenting, One Blog at a Time.

This week has went by well. I haven’t even thought about my period, about trying to conceive, or not ovulating. It felt so good to not worry and I think that I am on the right path. My psychologist told me that I need to work on my insomnia and anxiety. My form of anxiety is related to fast thoughts and thinking too much, which is contributing to my lack of sleep at night. These racing thoughts that just come up and I can’t even help it. They can be about my current situation; on me not being able to conceive, work, money, friends, family, and just things that have happened in the past. I am opting to go the natural route and not take any meds. Meds have caused me too much drama.

So far, so good. My psychologist recommended a few cool tips:

1. On a sheet of paper, divide it between two sections – worry and answer. On the left side, write down the racing thoughts that are going through your mind that are causing “worry.” On the right side, jot down the “answer” to those worrying issues. When you start worrying again, look at that sheet of paper.

2. Listen to white noise. These can help you to stop the racing thoughts and get your mind to focus on the sounds.

4. Breathing techniques-meditation. Be at a neutral position that is most comfortable for you (e.g., laying down, sitting completely still and free, sitting cross legged, etc).  Close your eyes and relax.  Let go of everything..forget about anything you have to do before this and after this very moment.  Start from the head all the way down.  Relax each muscle and take a deep breath.  Focus on the breath.

With these tips and being busy at work, I’ve been able to free my myself from anxiety.  I am very optimistic and I feel good about what is ahead of me.

With that, I noticed that my discharge has been a lot heavier.  I am more tired.  I’m craving carbs.  I should be having my period by next week..are these finally “natural” symptoms of a period?  I really feel close to being there….

Since last week post period, we began to try. Of course, trying is always fun, but then in the back of your head you are always thinking. Thoughts that run through my mind:

- We have to make sure that my legs are in the air, so that the sperm can stay in.
- Am I ovulating?
- What if I fail again?
- Will this be the one?

I know it’s kind of silly to think these thoughts but they do run through my mind. Especially, coming from someone who has had a mild anxiety attack a year prior to starting to try. I remember when sex was just fun and exciting. Lately, it still is, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like there is more pressure, which is probably why I get such thoughts. I know that these things are just going to hurt me in the end. Everyone keeps telling me that I have to stop worrying or thinking about it. Believe me, I am trying, but it is damn hard.

I had lunch the other day with my friend. She told me that she and her husband both ran pre-natal tests and both had no problems, whereas in my situation, my brain is not telling me to ovulate. It took them at least a year to try, too, and she was perfectly fine. As soon as they stopped thinking about it, ta-dah! baby! I swear, everyone keeps telling me this..I mean how do you just stop thinking about it?

Luckily, I started seeing a psychologist. Gawd, I thought I’d never see one, not that they are bad or anything, but just that whole thing about seeing a shrink! The real reason for my visits is to help my insomnia and my anxiety. I am enrolling in an insomnia class, which is online. It’s 6 weeks. Folks have very high results, so I am very curious to see how this goes. For anxiety, my doc gave me some exercises to try. Mostly mind exercises to help slow my thoughts. I always pictured people laying on a couch and spilling their life to their shrinks but this was different, maybe because it was Kaiser? Anyways, I am hoping that this will help me clear my thoughts and thus, have a healthier mind. Who knows, maybe I am prego now..how awesome would that be? Let me now get ahead of myself here…until next week.

The only thing I have been doing lately is just waiting. Another week has gone by and still, no period. I know that I don’t have any polycystic ovaries because we had these checked already. The only thing that my husband and I can do at this point is to not stress, relax, pray, and let those estradiols and progesterones work their magic.

I think the hold up isn’t just from being on the pill for so long, but it may be because of me stressing out on it. I know that stress is a huge factor, but I am going to have to start relaxing more. Just recently, I had bad insomnia, weening away from anti-anxiety pills. I had gone on Lorazepam 2 years ago, because I was stressed from work and I couldn’t sleep. She prescribed my condition as sleep anxiety.

Lorazepam worked like a charm. Once I took it, I was out like a baby until my alarm went off. I slept so well, that I never woke up in the middle of the night, nor did I even remember any of my dreams. Like any other drug, I grew a tolerance to it. I went from .5 mg to 2 mg. Life was great, I was sleeping and feeling energetic all day, and my skin was looking fantastic from all the great sleep and no stress.

It wasn’t until we decided that we wanted to start having a baby, that my doctor told me to get off it. Lorazepam can cause birth defects and complications, so I had to get off. I actually went off of this around the same time I got off of the pill, so double whammy. Getting off the pill wasn’t so bad but Lorazepam was hell. I had to ween off it slowly, since stopping it abruptly can cause severe issues and even seizures.

My insomnia had come back and I was tossing and turning until 5 am. I would lay there jealous of my husband for being able to knock out in just a few minutes. Days would go by and I’d get 2 hours sleep a day. I couldn’t understand how I could be exhausted and not be able to fall asleep. I tried natural remedies, like melatonin, warm milk, carby foods at night, but still, no sleep.

One day, my good friend had told me how Benadryl helped her fall asleep. I took that for a while and it helped, but then I got used to it. I tried taking 2 and it only made me more up and excited. I started to lose hope.

Another friend of mine let borrow her meditation tapes. I started to listen to those and concentrating on my breathing. I started to read more books at night and stayed away from any electronics at least a hour before bedtime. Slowly, I was starting to sleep around 3, 2, then around 1.

I am beginning to think that all of these elements, my birth control pill, insomnia, and stress, are what is causing my period to not come. I just need to take it easy and relax. Now that I have the stress and insomnia situation taken care of, I am hopeful that it should come soon.

Thanks for all the feedback on my last post.  I totally agree with you all.  I shouldn’t concentrate so much on what sex I get or even push for twins, but rather concentrate on conceiving first and hoping for a healthy baby.

After getting off of the pill, 6 months went by and still no period.  As I had mentioned before, my OB/GYN put me on progesterone pills.  3 more months went by and still, no period.   How was I so busy trying to have a boy or twins, when I haven’t even had my period in 9 months?

I went to go see my OB/GYN again and we had more blood tests done.  I have eggs and I am fertile, but it’s just not budging.  I told my doctor that my husband and I really want children and we want them now.  He put me on estradiol pills, which I am supposed to take everyday for the next 15 days.  After the 15th day, I am supposed to combine the estradiol pills with progesterone pills for a week.  He says I should get a period in the next 3-months.  I really hope so.

I have noticed that I have some mood swings and I have been breaking out more, but what’s nice is that I was insomniac before and these estradiol pills are helping me sleep.

I have been on and off birth control pills for over 10 years. When my husband and I got married, we wanted to get a home and be where we wanted in our careers, so we both decided to hold off on kids. Once we had accomplished our goals and did a lot of growing up (getting all the partying and traveling out of our system), we were finally ready.

I made my appointment to see the doctor to get a full check-up. She had advised me to get off the pill and wait about a month; to flush the pill out of my system. I was also on anxiety pills for insomnia, so she told me to get off of those, but we would need to ween away from them slowly. I started eating healthy, well at least 5 days out of the week, and stopped drinking alcohol. If I did drink, it wasn’t more than a glass of wine or beer per week.

6 months passed and I still did not get my period. I was getting worried, so I went to go see my doctor. I was told that if you were on the pill for a long time, sometimes it may take some time to get your period. I was prescribed estrogen pills. I took those for a few days and then it came. I have never been so excited to have my period. After my period was gone, my husband and I started trying.

A few weeks went by and I took a test - negative. I took another one - negative. I wanted to stay optimistic and blamed the tests, so we went to get another box. I can’t believe how expensive these pregnancy tests are – basically $10 a test! I decided to wait a week, maybe I was testing too early. I waited another week and tested, but again, negative. My husband and I were really sad. I know that each time you try, it’s a 25% chance, but as much as we tried in those weeks, you would think?!

I called my doctor and the doctor said to go back on the estrogen pills. I have gone through 3 refills and still, no period. My friend, who is a nurse, told me that it can take up to 2 years. My husband and I are staying positive and praying that I get my period. I can’t help but be discouraged by this. Technically, we have been waiting for about 8-9 months. I am staying positive….