The Mommies' Diaries…Parenting, One Blog at a Time.

About 4 years ago is when we started down the path of really understanding what it meant to have a child with special needs. In the short term, that meant lots and lots of appointments. Doctors, teachers, evaluations, physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, early intervention classes……get the idea? I had three kids and one on the way and was trying to juggle the normal mom stuff with all the therapies and places I needed to be each day. I literally ran all day long. Every second was a learning opportunity, every set of stairs was a chance to practice our PT, every interaction was done with the multiple goals lurking in the back of our minds and wondering how we could incorporate those goals into the daily life of our family. Without the help of our OT/Nanny Maria, I am sure none of us would have made it.

Today I took Tiny to her kindergarten assessment. This is my child that at the age of two couldn’t talk, wouldn’t walk and very rarely engaged with us. We got very little eye contact and very little voluntary body movement. I think that I described her at the time as a “lump on a log”. When she started early intervention classes she would talk so quietly that one of her goals became to speak NOT in her ‘fairy voice”. She was so small, she was still wearing 12 month sized clothing and was trying really hard to pass the 22 pound mark. Every doctors visit we got the same answer; she was considered “failure to thrive”. Sounds ominous, huh? But she wasn’t thriving, it kind of felt like she was disappearing. Since her brother (only 19 months older) was such an enormous force of nature it made the contrast seem even greater.

Today she confirmed what we already really knew. She was all caught up. All those hours of working on Tiny’s body to make it strong have turned her into a little dancer. All those exercises to help her with her balance have helped her be able to swim and kick a ball and ride a bike. The hours and hours of speech therapy have helped her become a chatterbox, and many days we pray for her “fairy voice” to make a reappearance. The eating therapy has helped produce a child that is still tiny and impossibly picky about food, but is thriving and growing and is healthy. The early intervention classes showed us ways to help her learn in her everyday life and instill a love of school and playing with other children. She is right on target developmentally and at this point she won’t even need any pull out help. There are still things we need to watch out for as she gets older, but so far she is right on track. For a tiny girl who had such a rough start, I am pretty amazed and thrilled at how well she is doing. It feels like all that hard work has paid off.

Not all parents who have kids with special needs with be able to graduate them from that world to the world of “typical”. Most of them won’t. And we work just as hard with those kids, we just don’t get to see so much black and white progress. My other two kids that do all the same therapies will never be on that typical list. Today we graduated from being a family with three special needs kids, to a family with just two. There are no IEP’s in her future. No more therapy appointments. No more extra doctors. It feels strangely sad. Mostly it feels exciting. It feels like I have more time in my world and I can shift my mom worry’s to another set of issues. Things like whether she will make friends and if she will be too scared to raise her hand for the hall pass.

Congratulations to my funny, strong and spicy Tiny. And best of luck to her teachers.

As a former educator, I haven’t pushed LG to do much academically. I knew that she would learn in her own time and that by the end of kindergarten she would be reading.  I didn’t care if she knew how to read before because really????  We do have some starter reading books and we sit down and practice every so often for as long as LG wants to do.  The minute she is done, I put them away because I don’t want to burn out her love of learning.

When LG was 2 she knew her letters and all their sounds.  Before you think she is a genius, there is this great video called The Letter Factory!  Yep, she learned from a video!!!  Take that!  I used to laugh when people were so impressed that I worked with her because while we sang our A,B,C’s, etc. I didn’t do that much with her.  Around age 3 we moved on to the Talking Words Factory and she started learning to sound things out.  She also started doing this in preschool.  I watched her working to sound out words she saw and to learn to recognize common things like, “exit,” “push,” “pull.”  It made me happy!

Each week, LG brings home a book every Monday that they make in school.  Last night we sat down to read a few of her books she has brought home from school.  I was THRILLED at the amount she could read on her own!!!  Now, I have my panties in a bunch to set her off reading.  haha!  I am still going to try and take a back seat and let her guide the process but I think I am going to be a bit more proactive in getting her to help me read.

I want to foster a lifelong love of learning.  I firmly believe the way to do this is to let your children guide the process.  There is nothing like burning your kids out on learning before the are 5!

Dear Readers,

When I last wrote, I was getting ready for our big IEP for Cubby.  I was not looking forward to sitting in a room with a bunch of school administrators, therapists and me and all of us focusing on the things that my poor boy didn’t do well.  I had an idea of what I wanted to have happen. I know they had an idea of what they hoped to see happen.  The big unknown was if those two expectations would meet.

It quickly became clear that every person in that room had an interest in doing what was necessary to help Cubby become successful.  It was painful to hear about all the ways that he wasn’t fulfilling that goal in the current situation, but it wasn’t new information.  I think that I approached it from the perspective that we have worked so long and he has worked so hard to master the skills needed to be in a typical school setting that I thought it would be enough. I wanted it to be enough.  I marvel daily at the difference between him this year compared to last year.  When it became clear to us that he wasn’t quite there, I was really disappointed.  

At the end of a few hours we had a plan.  I was getting everything on my list and a bit more.  I had gone in expecting a fight and instead got thoughtful discussion, expert advice, and insight from professionals that have far more experience than I do when it comes to helping kids be successful in school.  I really appreciated the team work aspect of it.  I am embarrassed at how I assumed the worst.   They were beyond helpful and I am thankful for this wonderful team. 

Cubby will be in a special day class for the rest of kindergarten.  The bummer part is that the special day class is at a different elementary school.  That makes four kids in four schools.  I am still working on the logistics of that one.  He has been so excited to walk to school with his big sister and he is pretty bummed about that.   He has a lot of anxiety about school right now and his common statement to me is that he is scared to go to school because “he doesn’t know what is coming”.  I am not totally sure what that means, but I know my kid loves routine and kindergarten must be too much unpredictability for him.   

After we visited the special day classroom he told me “I love this place”.  It was calm and quiet. There were picture schedules and behavior cues everywhere.  There is a sensory corner for kids that are feeling out of sorts with their body.  The teachers are pretty good at not reacting to kids that try to get out of doing stuff they don’t understand by creating a diversion (in Cubby’s case–running away or throwing a tantrum).  They just redirect the child and teach them that they will have to finish the task at hand.   In fact, that classroom was set up the way our house is.  The things that we have modified at home to help him be successful are the things in that room.  

This was not the choice that I would have imagined would be best for him, but it is easy for me to see that he is going to do really well in this situation.  I am excited to see him thrive and learn. I can’t wait for the day when he comes home and talks about how fun school is and is excited to go back.  I’ll keep you updated.

Facebook, Twitter and blogs are full of back to school photos.  I’ve always loved this time of year: brand new backpacks and lunchboxes, blank notebooks waiting to be filled with doodles or stories or math problems, new clothes and shoes, a new teacher and possibly new classmates.  A chance to start fresh and the anticipation of learning new things. A new school year, a blank slate.  I think my excitement is contagious.

Literally billions of children around the world are starting school. Millions of mothers across the country are sending kids off to kindergarten. So many little kids getting their first taste of “real” school. But this one…

This one is mine. My third and final baby on his first day of kindergarten.

I got choked up a little three years ago when I dropped my older two off at kindergarten. But when my little boy hung his backpack up, walked into the classroom and immediately wrote his name on the SmartBoard, I had to put my sunglasses back on to hide the tears.

He’s been my side kick for the past five plus years. Only leaving my side for eight hours and fifteen minutes a week. He’s tagged along to doctors appointments, hair appointments, meetings, lunch dates, errands and more errands, and volunteering at the school he now walks into comfortable enough to put his name on the board on the first day. “I’ll have to bring my son along,” has been my mantra.

Yes, this one is mine. Mine that I will miss terribly no matter how much I have been anticipating having some time to go to the gym and grocery shop by myself.

I am grateful for every poem I’ve read from his most favorite book sitting in our favorite chair, every matchbox car race where I came in 2nd place, every time I said yes to his favorite restaurant rather than my favorite salad bar. I’m grateful even for the trips to Target and Trader Joe’s that took me three times as long as they should have.

Tomorrow I’ll start in on the looooong list of projects I’ve been saving up for the past five years. Today I kind of miss my sidekick.

Did you have a good summer? 

Our family has had a pretty good summer. There wasn’t as much fighting as there could have been. There was a bit more adventuring than I planned on.  I even managed to get the closets and drawers all cleaned out (my version of a successful summer break). I think that even the kids would agree that they got to do most of the things they wanted to do on their summer list.   

By August I am always ready to have the kids back on a schedule; sleeping, meals, and therapies. Life settles into a regular routine with predictable events like homework lists and soccer practice. Welcome relief in our house.

This year my second child is going to Kindergarten. He is an October birthday so we decided to wait and send him this year instead of last year.  Last year he was clearly not ready. I am launching my son into his public school career (get ready schools….).  We are no longer buffered by the world of the preschool that work with kids with sensory issues.  I met his new teacher and she seems really prepared.  I have full confidence in her ability to integrate Cubby, but I still worry.  I know the things that he struggles with are things that can be very disruptive in a classroom and make it hard for him to make friends.  We have seen great strides this last year and has worked very, very hard. I am so proud of him.  The prayer in my mamma heart these days is that he will be able to remember and utilize all the skills he has been practicing . I know that he CAN be successful in a regular school setting. I am not at all sure that he WILL be successful. Right now we are focusing on our first day of school tradition. In our house you can choose anything that you want for breakfast. ANYTHING.  In the past we have had steak, cupcakes, soda, BBQ ribs and eggs (boring).   This makes them really excited to get up that first morning and helps them focus less on the scary parts 0f going back to school.

Ready or not……

P.S.  This is a short one, we are on our way to Hawaii for an awesome adventure. I”ll post about it next week.  Happy First Week of School to the rest of you!

Dear LG,

Tomorrow is the big day…you start kindergarten!!!!

I look at you and I can’t believe that 5 years have passed since you came into our lives.  There are some days that I can’t believe either of us have lived to see this moment.  Being home with you and watching you grow has been an amazing experience but I know we are both ready for the next step.

Three years ago I was dropping you off at preschool and you never looked back.  You have been ready to learn for a long time.  You love school and everything that comes with it.  That makes me very happy.  You will spend, at least, the next 13 years of your life in school.  My hope is that you will continue on to college but we will cross that bridge when we get there.

I want you to know that school won’t always be easy.  There will be times, in fact, when you hate it.  You may struggle to learn certain things or even when things seem too easy for you.  You may have fights with friends or even a teacher whom you don’t love.  I will be by your side ready to tackle all of this as it unfolds.  I have been there before and have dealt with it all.  My hope is that the wisdom I have gained over the years will make it easier for you than it was for myself.

Tomorrow we will dress you in your uniform and walk you to class for the first time.  I will probably cry and you will roll your eyes at me.  You have been counting the days until kindergarten begins for 6 months and you are more than ready.  I have a feeling that you will stroll into that classroom and smile from ear to ear.  You will be thrilled to meet your teacher and make new friends.  Daddy and I will be thrilled with you!  I will be waiting to hear all about your day when I pick you up that afternoon.  I am hopeful the, “I forgot” syndrome won’t start just yet!

I can’t wait to see what the next year holds for you.  You are an amazing little girl!

Love,

Mommy

For the past two years my son has spent three hours, three mornings a week at a great preschool.  They have a nice array of activities — cooking, gardening, story time, sharing time, riding around on tricycles like maniacs and crafty things that involve painting, gluing, stamping, glittering and other messes I don’t have to clean up.

I deliberately chose a preschool focused more on social and emotional development rather than academics.  Academics and preschool are two words that really don’t belong together in my mind.  He’s gained self-confidence, learned how to interact with his peers and with adults and most importantly, become comfortable with his emotions and gained skills to deal with them. (I’m not knocking preschools that teach letter sounds, etc. For us, this was the right choice).

Despite the fact that he doesn’t know his lower case letters, he can’t quite recite the days of the week and he still says lellow instead of yellow, we’re ready for kindergarten.  I say “we” because both he and I are ready for him to spend a larger chunk of time somewhere other than at home with me.  My patience for endless games of Candyland and building race tracks is staring to wane.  The thought of dropping all three of my children off at the same school every day makes me giddy.  My son is already comfortable at the elementary school where he will attend kindegarten having spent several hours there tagging along with me for library duty or to volunteer in his sister’s classrooms.  Most of the teachers already know his name and he knows where all the bathrooms are located.  Yes, we’re ready.

Today is his last day at preschool.  I’ve known this day was coming and honestly have not been that emotional about it until the past few days.  At his school, the last fifteen minutes of the day before pick-up is reserved for Celebration Time.  Parents arrive in the classroom and the children each get a turn to say what they remember about their day, they sing some songs and then are dismissed when the teacher calls their name.  It makes for a nice transition for school to home and gives me chance to learn exactly what he did that morning.

It’s been almost painful for me to watch my son at these Celebration Times lately.  I am coming to the realization that I will no longer be the parent of a preschooler.  I am all too aware that with kindergarten comes benchmarks, homework and lots of kids five times the size of my son running around on the playground.  They don’t end the day with a round of “Who Stole the Cookie From the Cookie Jar?”  and there are no robot boxes to play with at recess.   There has been a silliness and sense of playfulness that has infused his days at preschool that I will truly miss.

So, yes, we’re ready and excited for kindergarten.  But I am so glad that my son’s preschool years were filled with wonder, making up silly rhymes, finger painting and riding around like a maniac on a tricycle.  I’ll make sure we have plenty of time for making robot boxes after school once kindergarten starts… after his homework is done of course.

The past few weeks, LG had a really wiggly bottom tooth. I couldn’t wait for her tooth to come out, I was so excited.  Losing your first tooth is a really big deal!

Over the last six months, kids in LG’s preschool class started losing teeth.  I was surprised because 5 years old seems a little young to me but more and more kids kept getting visits from the tooth fairy so what do I know?  LG was mad at first because she didn’t have a loose tooth.  I explained to her that she didn’t get her first tooth until she was 10 months old, which is pretty late, so she probably wouldn’t have a loose one for awhile.  Sure enough, within a month she had a loose one.

As the weeks turned to months the tooth kept getting more and more loose.  3 weeks ago, I was sure the tooth was ready to come out.  LG and I would floss each night trying to get it out.  A few times I got the floss just right and yanked a little.  Bad decision.  Not only did I piss my 5 year old off but after a few attempts she was done letting me near her tooth.  I would ask her to wiggle it for me several times a day.  I would ask to wiggle it and she would promptly clamp down and say, “No way.”  Sigh…..

Last week that tooth was barely hanging on.  It was ready to come out but my advances were met with, “It will come out when it is ready Mom!”  We were at a friends house for dinner and I was devising a way to get the tooth out.  At this point I was scared it would come out in her sleep and she would swallow it!  For dinner we made tacos along with some corn on the cob.  I had tried corn before and LG just figured out how to eat it without getting near her tooth.  Darn kid is smart!

With every bite I watched LG like a hawk.  After a few minutes I gave up and we were all chatting about who knows what.  While we were talking I noticed a strange look on LG’s face.  Then she reached up and felt her tooth.  I could tell something was going on.

“What’s wrong?  Let me see.,” and I jumped up to take a look.

LG got very nervous and started crying saying, “No! No mommy!”  She reached in to feel her tooth and it happened!  I saw the tooth drop behind her row of teeth and she really started crying.

“It’s OK baby, your tooth fell out!!!  Let me grab it.”  I swooped it out showed it to her and then we promptly grabbed hands and started jumping up and down screaming!!!!  It was a scene straight from junior high.  We rushed to the bathroom because at this point LG was pretty shaken.  We looked at the new window in her tooth line and she noticed it was bleeding.  I explained why that was and we rinsed her mouth.  We talked a bit about how it was a little scary but that it didn’t hurt right?  She agreed and we headed back to the dinner table with a BEAMING 5 year old.

Her buddy Darius was waiting at the table and he was a little shaken up since Ashley was crying.  He hasn’t lost a tooth yet so he was now afraid it actually hurt, which surprised me since this is a 6 year old who rides Tower of Terror at Disneyland!!  LG promptly explained that it didn’t hurt it just was a weird feeling that scared her for a minute.  D was satisfied and talk about the tooth fairy ensued.

As I sat across the table looking at my gap toothed baby, I realized she is growing up.  She no longer looks like a baby.  She is a big girl.  She is amazingly beautiful, well spoken, and fun loving.  Kindergarten starts in 4 weeks and I feel like I am already thinking of her prom and sending her off to college.  It is all moving so fast!!!!

Kindergarten is fast approaching.  I would be so excited if not for all the darn paperwork!  First, I had to make sure Ashley had all of her vaccinations, which was easy for us, but I need the paper to verify it.  Don’t give me any lines about, “You don’t actually need to have your kid vaccinated” crap.  If you chose not to vaccinate, that is your deal, but when your child gets whooping cough like I just had, don’t tell me that they are not necessary.  Touchy subject much?

After we finished the vaccinations, I dropped off that set of paperwork.  Then we had to go back to get LG’s TB test which gave us more paperwork to drop off!  This was quickly followed by the packet of paperwork that we just received from the school.  Emergency forms, how to sign up for the hot lunch company, uniform exchange paperwork, photo release form….on and on and on.  By the time I finish all this darn paperwork she will be in first grade!

Not only am I doing paperwork now, but to register her for kindergarten required another small army of paperwork.  A birth certificate, a copy of our mortgage or lease, a phone or PG&E bill, as well as a urine and blood sample.  OK, OK, we didn’t really have to give bodily fluids, but I was ready to have to donate these with everything else they asked for!

I am so glad I am nearly done although I bet that next year I have to go through all of this again.  NIGHTMARE!

When LG was 3 months old, I joined a new mom’s group at El Camino Hospital.  It changed my life.  Seriously.  The first 3 months of being a mother, I was drowning in a sea of emotions.  I was worried about everything.  Is LG eating enough?  Is she sleeping enough?  Am I using the pacifier too much?  I was a mess.

Our mom’s group was run by a nurse.  We had the chance to share what was going on with each of us and bounce ideas off each other.  Our leader also had a topic each week that she would share.  It honestly transformed my motherhood.  Not only did it help me feel like I was doing the right things, but suddenly I had all these friends with the same aged babies to help me!

Five years later most of us are still friends.  I have often heard that people get involved in mother’s groups and that they ended up breaking into small groups of those women they most connected with.  My group wasn’t like that.  We all seemed to stick together no matter how different we were.  Some moms nursed until their kids were 3, something that I couldn’t fathom doing, but I didn’t judge and we just knew we were different in that way.  Some moms went back to work and came to things when they could and we always welcomed them back with open arms.  We were a family.  We still are.

With kindergarten approaching, things are about to be very different.  Many of our kids are in preschool together.  Next year, none of our kids will be in school together.  Our Tuesday and Thursday play dates that we continue 5 years later will be no more.  It will be much harder to find time to spend together but I know that we will all still be there for each other.

These women have become my community.  They are my “peeps.”  They are who I turned to when I wasn’t sure how to potty train.  They are who I complain to about LG’s 5:45 a.m. wake time.  They are the best listeners and my best advocates.  They remind me that I am a great mom even when I want to turn in my mom badge.

I can’t wait to see what the next 5 years hold for us even though we won’t be together as much.  In these women, I know that I have made lifelong friends!