The Mommies' Diaries…Parenting, One Blog at a Time.

I don’t mind telling some people about our situation but sometimes, the topic just comes up, “So when are you two having kids?”

My husband and I have been together for a very long time and it seems like everyone around us is getting pregnant. Every function that I go to, there is at least one person pregnant or one person that just gave birth. Some of them are the same folks that we see every month and some are folks that we see a few times a year.

It’s always either, “we’re trying” or “we plan to.” I feel like we’ve been saying this forever and all the time. I don’t want to get too deep with everyone, but what do I say? For some, I’ve been warning them, like asking if they are on the pill, how long have they been, and to encourage them to get off of it and to use other alternative methods.

When the topic of babies come up, some of the folks that have heard us say that we want to or trying, are wondering what’s going on. I don’t mind telling some people our situation, but sometimes, I don’t even want to talk about it. I am trying so hard to not stress about it, which was an advice from some folks, and to just let it be. I was told that when you stress, it makes it harder, so I just want to forget about it and let it come, but I can’t help but to feel stressed out again or discouraged when the topic comes up. We’re supposed to be at an event with happy vibes and positive energies, but when we come back to this subject, I try so hard to keep a happy face. I laugh it off and switch the question on them or bring something else up, but I get very down.

I feel so broken. It’s already been like what, almost a year! My family keeps asking, which adds onto the pressure. Every time we go out and see babies, they always comment on them and have this look like when are we going to have one. Believe me, if I could, I would get twins now. I am sure you all recall my “twins diet” that I was on, which was a total bogus. The only thing that I got from that stupid diet was 11 pounds! It was pretty easy though, since I love food. I love cereal, desserts, peanut butter, and bread.

At least I am closer towards the time my period should be coming.  That means, after my period, I hope to see some better results from my ovulation kit.  I am trying to stay positive, but I just have this wierd feeling that something is going to go wrong.  After 3 months of my taking those pills and then getting excited toward the end, only to find out that the ovulation kit keeps giving me a negative result, I don’t know what to do.  I am really praying to see my period.   My doctor says to give it a month afterwards.  Geez! Another month.

This was my last month on the estradiols and progesterone, that’s 3 months. After the last week, I got my period. We are so excited! We have our ovulation kit ready and I can’t wait to start trying again. I really hope that God blesses us this time around. I am staying hopeful yet I should also try to not stress on it so hard.

It’s so funny. Everyone that I’ve talked to has told me that either they or they know someone who was trying and never conceived, but the moment they stopped trying, they did. I am really going to try to not think about it, but I can’t help not to. I mean I blog about it, think about it, and talk about it. It’s my last month on these dang pills and I can really start. It’s really hard to not think about and “try.” I just don’t want to get all worked up and then end up failing again. Positive energies are definitely welcomed my way, everyone.

It’s funny because I read this article in a magazine the other night about a woman in her mid 30′s doing the exact opposite.  She was sick and tired of going to parties and events, where people would ask her about kids or when she plans on having kids.  In my world, I want a baby but in her world, she doesn’t want kids.  Her pain and stress is just hearing about the same topics and having to tell everyone that she doesn’t want kids.  Everyone assumes that something is wrong with her health, but nothing is wrong, she just doesn’t want kids.  Then everyone assumes that she hates kids, but she doesn’t.  Her thing is that she isn’t destined to have kids.  She always felt that kids would dent her social life, financial stability, personal time, and travel plans.

It would be interesting if she got pregnant.  I mean, she probably will, if she ever got off of whatever birth control method she is on because she isn’t stressing about it like I am.  I honestly used to feel like her.  I grew up as an only child and although I was never spoiled, I did what I wanted to do when I wanted to.  I was always independent and very selfish of my own time.   Up until a few years ago, I couldn’t see myself as a “mom.”  I was always doing “me.”

I loved my own time.  My time to sleep in and whenever I wanted to.  The ability to go shopping in peace.  The luxury of traveling to exotic places without worrying about daycare or anything.  To be able to go out with friends whenever I wanted to.  I loved “my time,” but that sorta changed when I got my puppy.  I’ve had dogs before but I never raised them on my own.  A lot of people say that having a puppy is just like having a baby, well sort of.  I  mean, I have to worry about travel plans now and who’s going to take care of my dog.  Doggy hotel runs around $40/day now.  If I go shopping or run errands, will my puppy break the house?  What about my dog’s general health, I have to groom her, take her to the vet, get the right food, supplements and supplies.  Responsibilities came and it’s been great practice.

The lady in the story that I read reminded me of myself, but years later, I wanted a baby.  I am not too sure if she will ever change her mind because she’s 38 and she stands firm behind her wants, but I hope that she thinks about it some more and changes her mind.  When you grow older, who will be there for you.  What about all of the joy and experiences that will become when you do have children.  Sure you have your time to do personal things, travel, etc, but nothing can compare to having your own family.